DAVID & BATHSHEBA

                                                                              By Richard Nathan

 

 

ENTER KING DAVID.  He should be reminiscent of Fred MacMurray in ďDouble Indemnity.Ē

 

                                                                DAVID
                                    Itís not easy being the King of the Israelites,
                                    but it has its compensations.  For instance, that
                                    day I was taking a stroll on the palace roof when
                                    I saw something no red-blooded male could resist. 
                                    Being King, I didnít have to resist.  I sent for her.

ENTER BATHSHEBA.  She should be reminiscent of Barbara Stanwyck in ďDouble Indemnity.Ē 

                                                            DAVID
                                    You know there are laws against public indecency.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    In that case, you better stop undressing me with your
                                    eyes, before we both get in trouble.

                                                            DAVID
                                    Iím the King.  No one gets me in trouble.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Wanna bet?

                                                            DAVID
                                    I hear your name is Bathsheba.  An appropriate
                                    name for a girl whose hobby is bathing.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    I do like a good scrubbing.

                                                            DAVID
                                    Iíll bet you do, baby. 

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Slow down, honey.  I know how to scrub myself.

                                                            DAVID
                                    I saw you bathing today.  I liked what I saw.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    You like cleanliness?

                                                            DAVID
                                    On some people it looks better than others.  Take
                                    you, for example.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Iím already taken.  My husband is Uriah the Hittite.

                                                            DAVID
                                    One of my generals.  Heís a good man.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Heís an old man.

                                                            DAVID
                                    Donít you like old men?

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    I can take them Ė or leave them.

                                                            DAVID
                                    How would Uriah the Hittite feel about your
                                    bathing where anyone could see you?

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Where I was bathing, the only person who
                                    could see me is the King.

                                                            DAVID
                                    And how would Uriah feel about the King
                                    seeing you bathe?

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Whoís going to tell him?

                                                            DAVID
                                    Not me.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Then what are you worried about?

                                                            DAVID
                                    Iím not worried about a thing, baby.  Are
                                    you worried about anything?

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Just worried about when Iíll get my next
                                    scrubbing.

BATHSHEBA EXITS, beckoning for DAVID to follow her.  DAVID turns to the audience.

                                                            DAVID
                                    A few weeks later, it turned out there was
                                    something for both of us to worry about.

ENTER BATHSHEBA, not happy.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Iím pregnant!

                                                            DAVID
                                    Okay, we can work something out.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    The only thing for you to work out is when
                                    youíre going to marry me! 

                                                            DAVID
                                    Youíre already married, baby, or had you
                                    forgotten?

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Uriahís away at your war!  Men die at war all
                                    the time. 

                                                            DAVID
                                    I could arrange something Ö but it makes me feelÖ
                                    unclean.

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Honey, thatís nothing a good scrubbing canít fix. 

EXIT BATHSHEBA.  DAVID turns back to the audience.

                                                            DAVID 
                                    So I did everything Bathsheba suggested, and I 
                                    mean everything.  Soon Uriah was dead. 
                                    Unfortunately, Nathan the Prophet was suspicious. 

ENTER NATHAN.  He is reminiscent of Edward G. Robinson in ďDouble Indemnity.Ē

                                                            NATHAN
                                    It just doesnít sit right with me, the way Uriah died. 
                                    Thereís something funny about it! 

DAVID speaks to the audience.

                                                            DAVID
                                    Bathsheba couldnít take the pressure.  She
                                    started to drink.

ENTER BATHSHEBA, with a bottle.  Sheís drunk.  She keeps drinking from the bottle. 

                                                            DAVID
                                    I donít see anything funny about Uriahís death. 

                                                            NATHAN
                                    Doesnít it seem odd that only servants and one
                                    general would be killed in that battle?  Why was
                                    Uriah, a general, up in the front lines with the
                                    servants? 

                                                            DAVID
                                    Uriah never allowed other men to take over his
                                    obligations. 

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Ha!

                                                            NATHAN
                                    Did you just say, ďHaĒ?

                                                            DAVID
                                    Sheís a grieving widow.  She doesnít know
                                    what sheís saying. 

                                                            NATHAN
                                    Did Uriah prefer to take action in the front,
                                    or did he like to bring up the rear?

                                                            BATHSHEBA
                                    Neither.  He preferred to go to war.

                                                            DAVID
                                    Bathsheba! 

                                                            NATHAN
                                    She seems to spend a lot of time around here. 

                                                            DAVID
                                    Whatís that supposed to mean? 

                                                            NATHAN
                                    Thou shalt not kill.  Thou shall not commit adultery. 
                                    Thou shalt not bear false witness.  How many
                                    commandments is that? 

                                                            BATHSHEBA 
                                    Weíre still good for seven!

                                                            NATHAN
                                    That sounds like a confession! 

                                                            DAVID 
                                    You canít prove anything! 

                                                            NATHAN 
                                    I donít need to prove anything!  Iím a prophet of God,
                                    and God sees and knows everything, and God says youíre
                                    dirty, dirty as sin!  And youíre going to suffer for your sins! 
                                    Godís going to make you pay, pay for all your dirty sins! 
                                    What do you say to that?

                                                            BATHSHEBA  
                                    Iím going to take a bath!

BLACKOUT.

THE END

© 2005 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.

 

 

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