THE DEADWOOD KID
FADE IN:
EXT. ENTRANCE TO WILD WEST SHOW-- DAY
On a bright sunny day, early in 1923, out in the farmlands outside Washington, D.C., an eager CHILD tugs his PARENTS through a CROWD to the entrance of an outdoor arena. At first we think a circus has come to town, but this isn’t a traditional circus. A banner fluttering above the entrance gate announces the current attraction: WINDWORTH’S WILD WEST EXTRAVAGANZA! As his parents purchase tickets, the child gazes at a billboard that features a portrait of a handsome young cowboy, THE DEADWOOD KID. Beneath the drawing, the poster proclaims: Arthur Windworth Presents WINDWORTH’S WILD WEST EXTRAVAGANZA Featuring America’s Greatest Cowboy Hero: THE DEADWOOD KID!
INT. BACKSTAGE -- DAY
In a tent, the busy PERFORMERS, dressed as cowboys, Indians, bandits, dance hall girls, etc. put on costumes and makeup, inspect their props, and get ready to go on stage. The MASTER OF CEREMONIES jumps onto a chair and vainly tries to get their attention.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Attention! Attention, please! I
have an
important announcement to make!
Everyone ignores him. He continues anyway.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Washington D.C. isn’t just our
nation’s
capitol, it’s also the home of Windworth
Enterprises. Which gives us this
great
opportunity to show our appreciation to
the man who pays our salaries, Mr. Arthur
Windworth!
That name gets their attention! Everyone turns and stares as ARTHUR WINDWORTH, a most wealthy and respected man, strides into the tent. He smiles grandly as his employees applaud, until one of them, an UNKEMPT COWBOY, has the nerve to shout:
PERFORMER
Hey, Windworth!
How about a raise?
For just an instant, a flash of fury passes over Windworth’s face. Then he smiles again, and demonstrates his leadership.
WINDWORTH
I’ll give you something better than a
raise.
I’ll give you the best
publicity this show has
ever had.
I invited my good friend, President
Warren G. Harding,
and he's here today!
The performers react. Harding is an extremely popular president, and they’re impressed that he’s coming to see their show.
WINDWORTH
Your President is waiting.
I know you’ll give
him the best performance ever of Windworth’s
Wild
West Extravaganza!
The performers cheer!
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
The show is performed outdoors, mostly in an arena, and it is magnificent. There isn’t an empty seat in the stands. The crowd cheers the riders, the sharpshooters, the dancing girls. It’s great entertainment. At the back of the arena is a small stage, but it’s not in use right now, and the curtains are drawn in front of it.
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
IN a special box, festooned with red, white and blue bunting, PRESIDENT WARREN G. HARDING enjoys the show. He’s seated between his wife, affectionately known as DUCHESS, and Windworth. Also seated in the box are HARRY M. DAUGHERTY, the Attorney General, and JESS SMITH, both close personal friends of the President.
HARDING
When’s the Deadwood Kid coming on?
WINDWORTH
He’s next, Mr. President.
HARDING
I read every one of those books about
him when I was a boy.
So inspiring!
Sometime I still think I’d rather be a cowboy
than
President.
DUCHESS
Nonsense, Warren.
You’d make a pathetic
cowboy.
The Duchess looks and acts like the Wicked Witch of the West on a bad day. She is five years older than her husband.
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
As one act ends, the Master of Ceremonies steps forth to introduce the highlight of the show.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Mr. President, Ladies and Gentlemen,
the
Windworth Wild West Extravaganza is
proud to present the
greatest living hero
of the Old West, the Deadwood Kid!!!
The audience explodes with applause. When it quiets down, the Master of Ceremonies announces the co-star, almost as an afterthought.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Also appearing as himself is Deadwood's
friend and sidekick, Chief Iron Cloud.
The Chief gets noticeably less applause than Deadwood. Then two horsemen gallop into the arena, and the crowd goes wild again. It’s THE DEADWOOD KID and CHIEF IRON CLOUD! Deadwood rides his trusty black stallion SHADOW. The Chief rides the smaller brown stallion WIZARD. Deadwood doffs his white hat and waves to the crowd as he circles the arena. The audience goes wild.
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
President Harding bounces up and down in his seat in excitement.
EXT. BACKSTAGE -- DAY
The unkempt cowboy who asked Windworth for a raise sips from a nearly empty bottle of bootleg whiskey. Another performer, a TALL COWBOY, warns him to get ready.
TALL COWBOY
Hey!
You ready? We go on now!
UNKEMPT COWBOY
You go on. I got fired.
TALL COWBOY
What?
UNKEMPT COWBOY
Windworth didn’t like my joke
about
asking for a raise. Said he
doesn’t like
unhappy employees. Told me to get out.
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
Deadwood climbs off his horse and addresses the audience. Now we can see that he and the Chief are in their late seventies.
DEADWOOD
Thank you all!
Now the Chief and I will
reenact one of my greatest adventures.
The Chief coughs.
DEADWOOD
..... one of our greatest adventures.
Deadwood and the Chief walk over the to stage area.
DEADWOOD
We’d been ambushed, and when we came
to, we found ourselves tied up in a deserted
cabin and…. Well, we’ll show
you just what
happened.
Deadwood and the Chief step behind the curtains of the stage area.
EXT. BACKSTAGE -- DAY
The tall cowboy pulls the unkempt cowboy toward the stage.
TALL COWBOY
You still got to do the show today!
Come
on!
The unkempt cowboy finishes the whiskey and tosses away the bottle.
EXT. THE STAGE -- DAY
The curtain opens on the interior of a cabin. Deadwood and the Chief, both unconscious, are tied to their chairs. As they regain consciousness, they slowly raise their heads.
DEADWOOD
Chief, did you get a look at the dirty
bushwhacker who knocked us out?
Deadwood struggles in his chair, straining against the ropes.
CHIEF
No, Deadwood.
Me no see.
DEADWOOD
Me neither, Chief.
But if it’s who I think, we’re
in a heap of trouble.
CHIEF
Me not afraid.
No bad man ever beat the
Deadwood Kid!
A mocking laugh is heard. Enter an ACTOR playing Doctor Dolan Cafferty. The actor is in his early twenties, the age the real Cafferty was when this adventure (or something like it) actually occurred. Hi is followed in by actors playing his two henchmen, played by the tall cowboy and the unkempt cowboy. The tall cowboy carries a pistol and the unkempt cowboy has a bow and arrow.
ACTOR
What touching faith.
Too bad it is
somewhat misplaced.
DEADWOOD
Doc Cafferty!
I figured you were behind this.
What
evil scheme are you planning now?
ACTOR
A brilliant one!
I’m going to make it look as
though
you and Chief murdered each other.
When word gets out, it will fan the hatred
between the white man and the red. Soon,
the Chief’s tribe and the U.S. Army will be at war.
The tall cowboy with the pistol stands beside the Chief, and the unkempt cowboy with the bow and arrow stands beside Deadwood.
DEADWOOD
You fiend!
Think of the women and
children who’ll be killed!
ACTOR
I’d rather think of the gold I’ve
discovered
on the Chief’s reservation. Once
the army
wipes out his tribe, I’ll file a claim.
DEADWOOD
Gold?
That’s only pyrite! It
looks like gold,
but it’s worthless!
ACTOR
Pyrite???
CHIEF
That right. No gold on reservation.
The actor takes a bad of gold dust out of his vest pocket.
ACTOR
This is gold dust!!!
DEADWOOD
Show it to me!
The actor considers for a moment, the opens the bag, and holds it in front of Deadwood’s face.
DEADWOOD
All right. You see that bit there, in the
middle?
ACTOR
Where?
When the actor looks into the bag, Deadwood blows into the gold dust, and it flies up into Cafferty’s face, blinding him. Deadwood (still tied to his chair) throws himself on top of the actor. The tall cowboy starts to aim his gun at Deadwood, but the Chief kicks out his legs and trips him. The henchman drops the pilot, and the Chief kicks it over to Deadwood. Although still tied to the chair, Deadwood manages to grab the pistol just in time to shoot the unkempt cowboy who is drawing his bow. The unkempt cowboy pretends to be wounded in the arm. Unfortunately, in the middle of his big moment, the henchman accidentally releases the arrow and it flies into Deadwood’s left shoulder. The henchman stops dying and grimaces at what he has done.
UNKEMPT COWBOY
Sorry.
DEADWOOD
You darn idiot!
You’ve killed me!
Blood pours from Deadwood’s wound.
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
The audience is horrified. Harding is slow to catch on.
HARDING
Do you think he’s really hurt?
INT. VETERAN'S HOSPITAL -- DAY
Deadwood, lying between clean white sheets is fighting his way back to consciousness.
DEADWOOD
Chief, did you get a look at the dirty
bushwhacker who knocked us unconscious?
HARDING
Deadwood?
Deadwood slowly opens his eyes, to find himself in a hospital bed, in a private room. He wears a hospital robe; the costume he wore in the act is hanging in a closet His holster and his guns are on a table near the bed. He looks around dazedly, and sees Chief Iron Cloud sitting in a chair beside the bed. Standing at the foot of the bed are President Harding, the Duchess, Harry Daugherty, and Jess Smith.
DEADWOOD
Where…..?
HARDING
The Veteran’s Hospital.
The doctor says
you’ll be fine.
DEADWOOD
I don’t belong here.
I’m not a veteran.
HARDING
Maybe not. But if a man can’t swing a few
favors for his friends,
what’s the point in
being President?
DEADWOOD
President?
HARDING
I’m Warren G. Harding.
This is my wife,
Florence. This
is Attorney General Daugherty.
And
this fellow is my friend, Jess Smith.
SMITH
Hi, Kid. Whadaya know?
HARDING
We were thrilled by your show, up until
the
accident.
DAUGHERTY
Most of us were thrilled.
Jess doesn’t care for
gunplay.
JESS
I can’t help that, Harry!
Guns make me
nervous.
HARDING
Guns made this country great.
If it weren’t
for gunslingers like Deadwood, this land
would still
belong to the Indians! Isn’t that
right, Chief?
CHIEF
Ugh.
DUCHESS
Warren, you’re offending him!
HARDING
No I’m not! The Chief can take a little ribbing;
can’t you Chief?
Harding puts his hand on the Chief’s shoulder.
HARDING
My great grandfather was an Indian
fighter;
and the Chief’s folks probably fought the
settlers.
But today, in this great republic
of ours, we live in peace like
brothers.
CHIEF
Ugh.
DUCHESS
I’m sorry we couldn’t see the end
of your
act.
DEADWOOD
Yeah.
Me too.
Harding has something he wants to bring up, but he has trouble saying it.
HARDING
Deadwood, whatever became of that
Doc
Cafferty character?
DEADWOOD
We had our share of run-ins, until
we
finally caught him with enough evidence to
send him to prison for life.
DUCHESS
Why didn't they hang him?
DEADWOOD
That's not what the judge decided.
DUCHESS
Sounds odd to me.
DEADWOOD
I never questioned the law, I just
enforced it. I never saw him again, and
that was good enough for me.
HARDING
I don't think anyone is all bad. I suppose
even Doctor Cafferty had some
good
in him.
DEADWOOD
Like Death Valley has some water in it.
HARDING
We must forgive our enemies.
Isn’t that right,
Chief?
CHIEF
Ugh.
HARDING
And a great big “ugh” to you too.
I’d love
to stay, but everyone expects me to spend
at least some of my
time in the White House.
Oh! Arthur
Windworth asked me to let you
know he fired the actor who wounded you.
DEADWOOD
Where is Mr. Windworth?
HARDING
He wanted to be here, but he had some
work to take care of for one of those
companies of his.
These days a tycoon
is more busy than the President, and
certainly more
useful than Congress.
You take care of yourself, Deadwood.
You were my greatest hero when I was
a boy.
Harding leaves, follows by the Duchess, Daugherty and Smith. The Chief rises from his chair as they leave.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -- DAY
The Chief stands in the doorway watching, as Harding and his party meet a ONE-LEGGED VETERAN hobbling down the hallway.
ONE-LEGGED
VETERAN
Hello, Mr. President.
If there’s one thing Harding knows, it is how to be friendly.
HARDING
Hi there, soldier.
It’s awfully good to see
you. America
will never forget what you
boys did in the war
Although Wilson was
a Democrat, I was proud to support…
The Chief closes the door.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- DAY
Having closed the door, the Chief sits back down in the chair next to Deadwood.
CHIEF
What a jackass.
DEADWOOD
Don’t talk like that.
He’s the President of
the United States!
The great white father!
CHIEF
Great white jackass.
DEADWOOD
Why’d you pull that Injun savage
routine on
him? This isn’t the
show. You know what
your problem
is?
CHIEF
Columbus.
DEADWOOD
Oh, here we go!
CHIEF
This used to be a pretty good country.
Then
Columbus came and everything went to hell.
DEADWOOD
How would you know?
You weren’t alive
then!
CHIEF
The Indians have an oral tradition,
passed
down from father to son for generations.
The tradition
says, “Before 1492: Paradise!
After
1492: P-f-f-f-d-d-d-d-t-t!
The Chief makes a “raspberry” sound, indicating his opinion of Columbus. Before they can continue their argument, an elderly doctor (we’ll call him DOC) comes in to inspect Deadwood.
DOC
Sorry to interrupt you gentlemen, but I
have
work to do here. Let’s take
another look
at that shoulder, shall we?
As Doc inspects the wound in Deadwood’s shoulder, Deadwood carefully looks into Doc’s face. Then Doc looks into Deadwood’s eyes. They stare at each other a long time, until Deadwood brings the end of his pistol up to just below Doc’s chin, pointing up. Doc slowly pulls his head away from the gun, until he feels an arrow in the back of his neck. The Chief has an arrow in his bow, aimed at the back of Doc’s throat.
DOC
I didn’t think you’d recognize me.
It’s been ….
What? Thirty
years?
DEADWOOD
Thirty-two.
DOC
I’m the one who patched you up today.
I
probably saved your life.
DEADWOOD
Chief, go call the police!
The Chief starts to head for the door, but then stays to hear what Doc has to say.
DOC
The police aren’t interested in me!
My
sentence was commuted to time served, ten
years ago.
I’m a free man!
DEADWOOD
Who in his right mind would free Doc
Cafferty?
DOC
The governor of the great state of
Ohio! He
took pity on me because I
was about to die
of kidney failure.
DEADWOOD
Then why aren’t you dead?
DOC
I had a miraculous recovery. You’ve
met my attorney: Harry
Daugherty.
These days, he’s the
attorney general.
DEADWOOD
I don’t believe it!
DOC
Believe what you like.
Your wound is healing
nicely. You’ll
be out of here in a week.
DEADWOOD
I'll be out of here now!
Deadwood tries to stand up, but Doc grams him by his wounded shoulder and forces him back onto the bed.
DOC
Sit down! In the old days, I must have
tried a dozen times to kill you.
I’ll be
damned if you’re going to die now that I’m
trying to save
your life. Nurse!!!
A brawny male NURSE barges in, responding to Doc’s call. The nurse is in top shape. Deadwood and the Chief combined would be no match for him.
NURSE
Yeah?
DOC
Watch the patient.
Make sure he stays in
bed.
NURSE
Whatever you say, Doc.
DOC
You’d better leave, Chief.
The patient needs
his rest.
The Nurse glares at the Chief.
CHIEF
See you soon, Deadwood.
The Chief leaves the room. Doc grabs Deadwood’s guns from the table. Deadwood tries to grab them back, but the Nurse pushed Deadwood back down onto the bed. Doc leaves. Deadwood couldn’t be more miserable.
FADE TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- NIGHT
Deadwood, alone in his room, in the dark, had left his bed and put on his clothes. He sneaks over to the door and listens. He hears nothing. He opens the door just a crack, and suddenly the male Nurse slams the door open.
NURSE
Where do you think you’re going?
DEADWOOD
I feel better.
NURSE
Want to guess how you’ll feel if I
find you up
again?
DEADWOOD
I just….
NURSE
You just do what I tell you!
I’m in charge
here!
At this point, the Nurse is no longer in charge, due to the fact that another nurse has just knocked him senseless with the blunt end of a tomahawk. The “other nurse” is Chief Iron Cloud, disguised in a male nurse’s uniform.
DEADWOOD
About time you showed up.
CHIEF
It wasn’t easy getting in.
They didn’t believe
me when I told them I’m a veteran.
DEADWOOD
You?
A veteran???
CHIEF
Sure.
I fought at the Little Big Horn. Don’t
ask which side.
The Chief sneaks out of the room and Deadwood follows.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR --