THE DEADWOOD KID
FADE IN:
EXT. ENTRANCE TO WILD WEST SHOW-- DAY
On a bright sunny day, early in 1923, out in the farmlands outside Washington, D.C., an eager CHILD tugs his PARENTS through a CROWD to the entrance of an outdoor arena. At first we think a circus has come to town, but this isn’t a traditional circus. A banner fluttering above the entrance gate announces the current attraction: WINDWORTH’S WILD WEST EXTRAVAGANZA! As his parents purchase tickets, the child gazes at a billboard that features a portrait of a handsome young cowboy, THE DEADWOOD KID. Beneath the drawing, the poster proclaims: Arthur Windworth Presents WINDWORTH’S WILD WEST EXTRAVAGANZA Featuring America’s Greatest Cowboy Hero: THE DEADWOOD KID!
INT. BACKSTAGE -- DAY
In a tent, the busy PERFORMERS, dressed as cowboys, Indians, bandits, dance hall girls, etc. put on costumes and makeup, inspect their props, and get ready to go on stage. The MASTER OF CEREMONIES jumps onto a chair and vainly tries to get their attention.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Attention! Attention, please! I
have an
important announcement to make!
Everyone ignores him. He continues anyway.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Washington D.C. isn’t just our
nation’s
capitol, it’s also the home of Windworth
Enterprises. Which gives us this
great
opportunity to show our appreciation to
the man who pays our salaries, Mr. Arthur
Windworth!
That name gets their attention! Everyone turns and stares as ARTHUR WINDWORTH, a most wealthy and respected man, strides into the tent. He smiles grandly as his employees applaud, until one of them, an UNKEMPT COWBOY, has the nerve to shout:
PERFORMER
Hey, Windworth!
How about a raise?
For just an instant, a flash of fury passes over Windworth’s face. Then he smiles again, and demonstrates his leadership.
WINDWORTH
I’ll give you something better than a
raise.
I’ll give you the best
publicity this show has
ever had.
I invited my good friend, President
Warren G. Harding,
and he's here today!
The performers react. Harding is an extremely popular president, and they’re impressed that he’s coming to see their show.
WINDWORTH
Your President is waiting.
I know you’ll give
him the best performance ever of Windworth’s
Wild
West Extravaganza!
The performers cheer!
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
The show is performed outdoors, mostly in an arena, and it is magnificent. There isn’t an empty seat in the stands. The crowd cheers the riders, the sharpshooters, the dancing girls. It’s great entertainment. At the back of the arena is a small stage, but it’s not in use right now, and the curtains are drawn in front of it.
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
IN a special box, festooned with red, white and blue bunting, PRESIDENT WARREN G. HARDING enjoys the show. He’s seated between his wife, affectionately known as DUCHESS, and Windworth. Also seated in the box are HARRY M. DAUGHERTY, the Attorney General, and JESS SMITH, both close personal friends of the President.
HARDING
When’s the Deadwood Kid coming on?
WINDWORTH
He’s next, Mr. President.
HARDING
I read every one of those books about
him when I was a boy.
So inspiring!
Sometime I still think I’d rather be a cowboy
than
President.
DUCHESS
Nonsense, Warren.
You’d make a pathetic
cowboy.
The Duchess looks and acts like the Wicked Witch of the West on a bad day. She is five years older than her husband.
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
As one act ends, the Master of Ceremonies steps forth to introduce the highlight of the show.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Mr. President, Ladies and Gentlemen,
the
Windworth Wild West Extravaganza is
proud to present the
greatest living hero
of the Old West, the Deadwood Kid!!!
The audience explodes with applause. When it quiets down, the Master of Ceremonies announces the co-star, almost as an afterthought.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Also appearing as himself is Deadwood's
friend and sidekick, Chief Iron Cloud.
The Chief gets noticeably less applause than Deadwood. Then two horsemen gallop into the arena, and the crowd goes wild again. It’s THE DEADWOOD KID and CHIEF IRON CLOUD! Deadwood rides his trusty black stallion SHADOW. The Chief rides the smaller brown stallion WIZARD. Deadwood doffs his white hat and waves to the crowd as he circles the arena. The audience goes wild.
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
President Harding bounces up and down in his seat in excitement.
EXT. BACKSTAGE -- DAY
The unkempt cowboy who asked Windworth for a raise sips from a nearly empty bottle of bootleg whiskey. Another performer, a TALL COWBOY, warns him to get ready.
TALL COWBOY
Hey!
You ready? We go on now!
UNKEMPT COWBOY
You go on. I got fired.
TALL COWBOY
What?
UNKEMPT COWBOY
Windworth didn’t like my joke
about
asking for a raise. Said he
doesn’t like
unhappy employees. Told me to get out.
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
Deadwood climbs off his horse and addresses the audience. Now we can see that he and the Chief are in their late seventies.
DEADWOOD
Thank you all!
Now the Chief and I will
reenact one of my greatest adventures.
The Chief coughs.
DEADWOOD
..... one of our greatest adventures.
Deadwood and the Chief walk over the to stage area.
DEADWOOD
We’d been ambushed, and when we came
to, we found ourselves tied up in a deserted
cabin and…. Well, we’ll show
you just what
happened.
Deadwood and the Chief step behind the curtains of the stage area.
EXT. BACKSTAGE -- DAY
The tall cowboy pulls the unkempt cowboy toward the stage.
TALL COWBOY
You still got to do the show today!
Come
on!
The unkempt cowboy finishes the whiskey and tosses away the bottle.
EXT. THE STAGE -- DAY
The curtain opens on the interior of a cabin. Deadwood and the Chief, both unconscious, are tied to their chairs. As they regain consciousness, they slowly raise their heads.
DEADWOOD
Chief, did you get a look at the dirty
bushwhacker who knocked us out?
Deadwood struggles in his chair, straining against the ropes.
CHIEF
No, Deadwood.
Me no see.
DEADWOOD
Me neither, Chief.
But if it’s who I think, we’re
in a heap of trouble.
CHIEF
Me not afraid.
No bad man ever beat the
Deadwood Kid!
A mocking laugh is heard. Enter an ACTOR playing Doctor Dolan Cafferty. The actor is in his early twenties, the age the real Cafferty was when this adventure (or something like it) actually occurred. Hi is followed in by actors playing his two henchmen, played by the tall cowboy and the unkempt cowboy. The tall cowboy carries a pistol and the unkempt cowboy has a bow and arrow.
ACTOR
What touching faith.
Too bad it is
somewhat misplaced.
DEADWOOD
Doc Cafferty!
I figured you were behind this.
What
evil scheme are you planning now?
ACTOR
A brilliant one!
I’m going to make it look as
though
you and Chief murdered each other.
When word gets out, it will fan the hatred
between the white man and the red. Soon,
the Chief’s tribe and the U.S. Army will be at war.
The tall cowboy with the pistol stands beside the Chief, and the unkempt cowboy with the bow and arrow stands beside Deadwood.
DEADWOOD
You fiend!
Think of the women and
children who’ll be killed!
ACTOR
I’d rather think of the gold I’ve
discovered
on the Chief’s reservation. Once
the army
wipes out his tribe, I’ll file a claim.
DEADWOOD
Gold?
That’s only pyrite! It
looks like gold,
but it’s worthless!
ACTOR
Pyrite???
CHIEF
That right. No gold on reservation.
The actor takes a bad of gold dust out of his vest pocket.
ACTOR
This is gold dust!!!
DEADWOOD
Show it to me!
The actor considers for a moment, the opens the bag, and holds it in front of Deadwood’s face.
DEADWOOD
All right. You see that bit there, in the
middle?
ACTOR
Where?
When the actor looks into the bag, Deadwood blows into the gold dust, and it flies up into Cafferty’s face, blinding him. Deadwood (still tied to his chair) throws himself on top of the actor. The tall cowboy starts to aim his gun at Deadwood, but the Chief kicks out his legs and trips him. The henchman drops the pilot, and the Chief kicks it over to Deadwood. Although still tied to the chair, Deadwood manages to grab the pistol just in time to shoot the unkempt cowboy who is drawing his bow. The unkempt cowboy pretends to be wounded in the arm. Unfortunately, in the middle of his big moment, the henchman accidentally releases the arrow and it flies into Deadwood’s left shoulder. The henchman stops dying and grimaces at what he has done.
UNKEMPT COWBOY
Sorry.
DEADWOOD
You darn idiot!
You’ve killed me!
Blood pours from Deadwood’s wound.
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
The audience is horrified. Harding is slow to catch on.
HARDING
Do you think he’s really hurt?
INT. VETERAN'S HOSPITAL -- DAY
Deadwood, lying between clean white sheets is fighting his way back to consciousness.
DEADWOOD
Chief, did you get a look at the dirty
bushwhacker who knocked us unconscious?
HARDING
Deadwood?
Deadwood slowly opens his eyes, to find himself in a hospital bed, in a private room. He wears a hospital robe; the costume he wore in the act is hanging in a closet His holster and his guns are on a table near the bed. He looks around dazedly, and sees Chief Iron Cloud sitting in a chair beside the bed. Standing at the foot of the bed are President Harding, the Duchess, Harry Daugherty, and Jess Smith.
DEADWOOD
Where…..?
HARDING
The Veteran’s Hospital.
The doctor says
you’ll be fine.
DEADWOOD
I don’t belong here.
I’m not a veteran.
HARDING
Maybe not. But if a man can’t swing a few
favors for his friends,
what’s the point in
being President?
DEADWOOD
President?
HARDING
I’m Warren G. Harding.
This is my wife,
Florence. This
is Attorney General Daugherty.
And
this fellow is my friend, Jess Smith.
SMITH
Hi, Kid. Whadaya know?
HARDING
We were thrilled by your show, up until
the
accident.
DAUGHERTY
Most of us were thrilled.
Jess doesn’t care for
gunplay.
JESS
I can’t help that, Harry!
Guns make me
nervous.
HARDING
Guns made this country great.
If it weren’t
for gunslingers like Deadwood, this land
would still
belong to the Indians! Isn’t that
right, Chief?
CHIEF
Ugh.
DUCHESS
Warren, you’re offending him!
HARDING
No I’m not! The Chief can take a little ribbing;
can’t you Chief?
Harding puts his hand on the Chief’s shoulder.
HARDING
My great grandfather was an Indian
fighter;
and the Chief’s folks probably fought the
settlers.
But today, in this great republic
of ours, we live in peace like
brothers.
CHIEF
Ugh.
DUCHESS
I’m sorry we couldn’t see the end
of your
act.
DEADWOOD
Yeah.
Me too.
Harding has something he wants to bring up, but he has trouble saying it.
HARDING
Deadwood, whatever became of that
Doc
Cafferty character?
DEADWOOD
We had our share of run-ins, until
we
finally caught him with enough evidence to
send him to prison for life.
DUCHESS
Why didn't they hang him?
DEADWOOD
That's not what the judge decided.
DUCHESS
Sounds odd to me.
DEADWOOD
I never questioned the law, I just
enforced it. I never saw him again, and
that was good enough for me.
HARDING
I don't think anyone is all bad. I suppose
even Doctor Cafferty had some
good
in him.
DEADWOOD
Like Death Valley has some water in it.
HARDING
We must forgive our enemies.
Isn’t that right,
Chief?
CHIEF
Ugh.
HARDING
And a great big “ugh” to you too.
I’d love
to stay, but everyone expects me to spend
at least some of my
time in the White House.
Oh! Arthur
Windworth asked me to let you
know he fired the actor who wounded you.
DEADWOOD
Where is Mr. Windworth?
HARDING
He wanted to be here, but he had some
work to take care of for one of those
companies of his.
These days a tycoon
is more busy than the President, and
certainly more
useful than Congress.
You take care of yourself, Deadwood.
You were my greatest hero when I was
a boy.
Harding leaves, follows by the Duchess, Daugherty and Smith. The Chief rises from his chair as they leave.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -- DAY
The Chief stands in the doorway watching, as Harding and his party meet a ONE-LEGGED VETERAN hobbling down the hallway.
ONE-LEGGED
VETERAN
Hello, Mr. President.
If there’s one thing Harding knows, it is how to be friendly.
HARDING
Hi there, soldier.
It’s awfully good to see
you. America
will never forget what you
boys did in the war
Although Wilson was
a Democrat, I was proud to support…
The Chief closes the door.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- DAY
Having closed the door, the Chief sits back down in the chair next to Deadwood.
CHIEF
What a jackass.
DEADWOOD
Don’t talk like that.
He’s the President of
the United States!
The great white father!
CHIEF
Great white jackass.
DEADWOOD
Why’d you pull that Injun savage
routine on
him? This isn’t the
show. You know what
your problem
is?
CHIEF
Columbus.
DEADWOOD
Oh, here we go!
CHIEF
This used to be a pretty good country.
Then
Columbus came and everything went to hell.
DEADWOOD
How would you know?
You weren’t alive
then!
CHIEF
The Indians have an oral tradition,
passed
down from father to son for generations.
The tradition
says, “Before 1492: Paradise!
After
1492: P-f-f-f-d-d-d-d-t-t!
The Chief makes a “raspberry” sound, indicating his opinion of Columbus. Before they can continue their argument, an elderly doctor (we’ll call him DOC) comes in to inspect Deadwood.
DOC
Sorry to interrupt you gentlemen, but I
have
work to do here. Let’s take
another look
at that shoulder, shall we?
As Doc inspects the wound in Deadwood’s shoulder, Deadwood carefully looks into Doc’s face. Then Doc looks into Deadwood’s eyes. They stare at each other a long time, until Deadwood brings the end of his pistol up to just below Doc’s chin, pointing up. Doc slowly pulls his head away from the gun, until he feels an arrow in the back of his neck. The Chief has an arrow in his bow, aimed at the back of Doc’s throat.
DOC
I didn’t think you’d recognize me.
It’s been ….
What? Thirty
years?
DEADWOOD
Thirty-two.
DOC
I’m the one who patched you up today.
I
probably saved your life.
DEADWOOD
Chief, go call the police!
The Chief starts to head for the door, but then stays to hear what Doc has to say.
DOC
The police aren’t interested in me!
My
sentence was commuted to time served, ten
years ago.
I’m a free man!
DEADWOOD
Who in his right mind would free Doc
Cafferty?
DOC
The governor of the great state of
Ohio! He
took pity on me because I
was about to die
of kidney failure.
DEADWOOD
Then why aren’t you dead?
DOC
I had a miraculous recovery. You’ve
met my attorney: Harry
Daugherty.
These days, he’s the
attorney general.
DEADWOOD
I don’t believe it!
DOC
Believe what you like.
Your wound is healing
nicely. You’ll
be out of here in a week.
DEADWOOD
I'll be out of here now!
Deadwood tries to stand up, but Doc grams him by his wounded shoulder and forces him back onto the bed.
DOC
Sit down! In the old days, I must have
tried a dozen times to kill you.
I’ll be
damned if you’re going to die now that I’m
trying to save
your life. Nurse!!!
A brawny male NURSE barges in, responding to Doc’s call. The nurse is in top shape. Deadwood and the Chief combined would be no match for him.
NURSE
Yeah?
DOC
Watch the patient.
Make sure he stays in
bed.
NURSE
Whatever you say, Doc.
DOC
You’d better leave, Chief.
The patient needs
his rest.
The Nurse glares at the Chief.
CHIEF
See you soon, Deadwood.
The Chief leaves the room. Doc grabs Deadwood’s guns from the table. Deadwood tries to grab them back, but the Nurse pushed Deadwood back down onto the bed. Doc leaves. Deadwood couldn’t be more miserable.
FADE TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- NIGHT
Deadwood, alone in his room, in the dark, had left his bed and put on his clothes. He sneaks over to the door and listens. He hears nothing. He opens the door just a crack, and suddenly the male Nurse slams the door open.
NURSE
Where do you think you’re going?
DEADWOOD
I feel better.
NURSE
Want to guess how you’ll feel if I
find you up
again?
DEADWOOD
I just….
NURSE
You just do what I tell you!
I’m in charge
here!
At this point, the Nurse is no longer in charge, due to the fact that another nurse has just knocked him senseless with the blunt end of a tomahawk. The “other nurse” is Chief Iron Cloud, disguised in a male nurse’s uniform.
DEADWOOD
About time you showed up.
CHIEF
It wasn’t easy getting in.
They didn’t believe
me when I told them I’m a veteran.
DEADWOOD
You?
A veteran???
CHIEF
Sure.
I fought at the Little Big Horn. Don’t
ask which side.
The Chief sneaks out of the room and Deadwood follows.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -- NIGHT
A wheelchair is waiting outside Deadwood’s room.
DEADWOOD
You didn’t fight at the Little Big
Horn!
CHIEF
Sit in this. I’ll wheel you out.
Deadwood sits in the chair, but continues to argue as the Chief wheels him down the hallway.
DEADWOOD
By 1876, we were partners.
You couldn’t
have gone to the Little Big Horn without
my knowing about
it.
CHIEF
You’re forgetting about the three
months you
spent back east.
DEADWOOD
No partner of mine would have fought at
Custer’s Last Stand!!!
CHIEF
All right, if you’re so sure I
didn’t, then I guess
I didn’t.
DEADWOOD
Darn right you didn’t.
CHIEF
Wonder where I got that Seventh Cavalry
Bugle.
They come to a door that leads out.
DEADWOOD
Wait.
I want to go back and get my guns.
CHIEF
Shhh!
Someone’s coming!
The Chief wheels Deadwood into an empty room as the door opens and a HOSPITAL CLERK and a CROOK come in. The hospital clerk unlocks the door to a supply room and shows the crook a large inventory of bed sheets.
CROOK
How many you got there?
HOSPITAL CLERK
Five hundred bed sheets at twenty-seven
cents apiece. That’s one hundred
thirty-five
dollars you owe for this batch.
CROOK
What did you pay for them?
HOSPITAL CLERK
The government paid a dollar apiece
more.
But hell, nothing’s too
good for the veterans,
right?
CROOK
You mean nothing’s too good for you
guys
at the Veteran’s Bureau!
The clerk and the crook chuckle as they start to pack up the sheets.
INT. A ROOM OFF THE CORRIDOR -- NIGHT
Deadwood and the Kid have been listening. Deadwood turns to the Chief.
DEADWOOD
Does that sound suspicious to you?
The Chief shrugs.
CHIEF
Sounds like a typical paleface business
transaction.
Deadwood decides to take matters into his own hands. He steps out into the hallway.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -- NIGHT
Deadwood walks up to the clerk and the crook.
DEADWOOD
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Mind telling me
what you’re up to?
CROOK
Who wants to know?
DEADWOOD
I’m the Deadwood Kid.
CROOK
You’re gonna be the dead kid!
The crook punches Deadwood in the stomach, sending him flailing back a few steps. Then the Chief barrels out into the corridor pushing his wheelchair straight into the crook and the clerk, who collapse into the chair. The Chief keeps pushing them down the corridor to a staircase and over the edge. The he runs back to Deadwood as the crook, the clerk and the wheelchair bumble down the stairs.
CHIEF
Come on!
Now the crook and the clerk are scrambling back up the stairs.
DEADWOOD
I’ve never run from a fight in my
life!
CHIEF
Then it’s time to give it a
try!
The Chief pulls Deadwood out through the front door of the hospital.
EXT. HOSPITAL GROUNDS -- NIGHT
The Chief and Deadwood hurry up to their horses. The climb into the saddles and ride away.
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET -- NIGHT
Deadwood and the Chief ride away from the hospital.
CHIEF
You think Cafferty’s behind this?
DEADWOOD
Who else?
CHIEF
Do we tell the police?
DEADWOOD
Police can’t handle someone like
Cafferty!
No, tomorrow we’ll go
see the one man
big enough to do this job right!
EXT. WHITE HOUSE -- DAY
Establishing shot of the White House as it looked in 1923.
INT. WHITE HOUSE RECEPTION AREA -- DAY
Deadwood is arguing with an attractive young SECRETARY as Chief Iron Cloud watches.
DEADWOOD
I don’t have time to make an
appointment!
The most despicable
villain in the country is
once again practicing his treachery.
The
President must be informed!
SECRETARY
And just who is the most despicable
villain
in the country?
DEADWOOD
Doc Cafferty!
SECRETARY
Never heard of him.
DEADWOOD
Just tell the President that the
Deadwood
Kid wants to see him.
SECRETARY
I never heard of you either!
The Chief steps up to the Secretary.
CHIEF
You guard the President’s time like
the
she-wolf guards her young. But
never
was there such a she-wolf whose charms
turn the frozen winter night into a sun-filled
spring day.
Your beauty sings like the rippling
brook.
The secretary looks at the Chief. She doesn’t quite buy his flattery, but she appreciates the effort.
SECRETARY
I’ll tell him you’re here.
She leaves the room to inform the President. Deadwood scowls at the Chief, who struts proudly.
DEADWOOD
Don’t look so pleased with yourself!
I bet
she felt sorry for you!
CHIEF
Just because you chose to spend all
your
nights by a lonely campfire….
Harding enters.
HARDING
Deadwood! I didn’t expect to see you out
of bed so soon!
DEADWOOD
Mr. President, I’ve got to warn
you….
HARDING
(interrupting)
This is about Doc Cafferty, isn't it?
DEADWOOD
You know? But, tarnation, sir, how….
HARDING
Cafferty’s an Ohio boy.
I’ve known the
family for years. Why
don’t you come into
my office?
INT. OVAL OFFICE -- DAY
Deadwood is shocked to find Doc Cafferty seated in the office. Harding sits behind his desk.
DOC
Howdy, Deadwood.
Chief.
DEADWOOD
What the blazes is….
DOC
I figured you might show up here, and I
wanted to see how that wound was healing.
HARDING
Deadwood, I confess I brought you to
the
Veteran’s Hospital knowing Doctor Cafferty
worked there.
I’d hoped you could patch up
your differences when he patched up your
shoulder.
DEADWOOD
Mr. President, someone’s stealing
government
property from the hospital, and I swear this
man’s behind it!
DOC
Why don’t you swear the World War was
my fault too?
DEADWOOD
It wouldn’t surprise me if it was!
HARDING
Gentlemen, for some time now I’ve
been
aware of the rumors of corruption in the
Veteran’s Bureau.
I had Charlie Forbes,
the director of the Bureau, look into it, and
he
gave me his personal assurances that there
is no truth whatsoever to those
rumors.
DEADWOOD
Have him look into the sheet inventory
at the
hospital!
HARDING
Charlie’s in Europe right now, but
I’ll have him
investigate it the minute he gets back. In the
meantime, don’t pre-judge Doctor Cafferty.
I
truly believe he’s reformed.
DEADWOOD
And I truly believe he’s a skunk!
I’m sorry,
Mr. President, but that’s how I feel.
Deadwood and the Chief start to leave.
DOC
Stop by the hospital, Deadwood, and
I’ll
give you back your guns. Maybe
you’ll
let me take another look at that shoulder.
Deadwood and the Chief march out without saying another word.
HARDING
Sorry, Doc. You know, I've always said
government shouldn’t interfere with
people’s
private lives. Then I
try to interfere with
you and Deadwood. I
should have listened
to my own advice.
DOC
Forget it. I gave him a lot of grief in the old
days.
I shouldn’t expect him to forgive me
now.
Doc gets up and leaves.
EXT. VETERAN’S HOSPITAL -- DAY
Establishing shot of the Veteran’s Hospital.
INT. DOC’S OFFICE -- DAY
Doc enters his office, where Deadwood’s holsters and pistols hang from a chair. Doc sits behind his desk, things for a moment, then gets up and leaves his office.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -- DAY
Doc walks down the corridor, pauses, then looks into the room where the sheets were kept. Then he continues down the corridor and enters an office where the records are kept.
INT. RECORDS OFFICE -- DAY
Doc enters and goes directly to the files. The Hospital Clerk who was selling the sheets the night before is seated at a desk.
DOC
Didn’t we get in a big shipment of
sheets last
week?
HOSPITAL CLERK
I don’t think so.
DOC
I thought we did.
I’m going to check the
invoices.
HOSPITAL CLERK
Why are you so interested in sheets?
Doc looks through the invoices.
DOC
I like sheets.
I like the way they cover things
up.
Ah, here it is! Five hundred brand new
sheets.
Funny, I just checked our inventory,
and it looks like we don’t have
any new sheets
at all. What do you
suppose happened to
them?
The hospital clerk has taken a gun out of his desk drawer. He aims it at Doc.
HOSPITAL CLERK
You’d be better off worrying about
what’s
going to happen to you, Doc.
DOC
You’re not going to murder me over a
few
lousy sheets!
HOSPITAL CLERK
I'm not gonna murder anyone. You’re gonna
commit suicide!
Let’s go back to your office.
The hospital clerk gets up and stands closely behind Doc, keeping the gun at Doc’s back. They leave the office together.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -- DAY
Doc and the clerk walk back to Doc’s office. Doc tries to find some way to signal that the clerk has a gun on him, but no one is paying any attention to them.
INT. DOC’S OFFICE -- DAY
As Doc and the clerk enter Doc’s office, a private room with no windows, they are surprised to find the Deadwood Kid picking up his gun belt. The Chief sits calmly in a chair. The clerk slams the door shut behind him as he enters with Doc.
DOC
Deadwood!
Deadwood recognizes the clerk from the night before.
DEADWOOD
I knew it! That’s the polecat we saw
selling the sheets!
You still claim you know
nothing about it?
Doc starts to say something, but the clerk presses his gun against Doc’s spine, where Deadwood can't see it.
DEADWOOD
I’ll just report the two of you
to the
police.
The clerk has heard enough, but as he moves his gun away from Doc’s spine to aim the gun at Deadwood, Deadwood cracks his gun belt like a whip to snap the clerk’s gun out of his hand. Deadwood grabs the gun out of the air. He may be an old man, but Deadwood can still move with lightening speed.
DEADWOOD
Seems your friend doesn’t know much
about
me.
The clerk grabs Doc and uses him as a shield. He gets a good grip on Doc’s neck.
HOSPITAL CLERK
Okay.
Give me back my gun, or I’ll break
his neck!
DEADWOOD
Seem he doesn’t know much about both
of
us.
HOSPITAL CLERK
I mean it! Give it back or he’s dead!
DEADWOOD
Mister, you’ve got your hands around
the
neck of my worst enemy in the world.
Why
should I stop you from killing him?
HOSPITAL CLERK
Because he had nothing to do with the
pilfering.
He’s an innocent man!
DEADWOOD
If he’s innocent, I’m Calamity
Jane!
The clerk tightens his grip, so that Doc can barely breathe.
HOSPITAL CLERK
One….
Two….
Doc is struggling for air. He tires to speak, but can barely croak out one work:
DOC
Please.
DEADWOOD
Oh, all right.
I hate to see an old man get
picked on.
Deadwood takes his own gun out of his holster as he puts the clerk’s gun down on the desk. The clerk lets go of Doc and grabs his gun.
HOSPITAL CLERK
Now give me yours!
DEADWOOD
I may be sentimental, but I’m not
crazy!
HOSPITAL CLERK
All right.
Keep it for now. But you old
goats
better be real careful, because you’ll never
know when I’m planning to
come back and
kill you!
The clerk shoves Doc into Deadwood as he opens the office door and races out. Deadwood and the Chief scramble after him.
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -- DAY
The clerk runs to the front door of the hospital. Deadwood and the Chief are hot on his trail, followed by Doc Cafferty.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL -- DAY
As the clerk runs out of the hospital, a black sedan pulls out of the parking lot and speeds past him. The barrel of a machine gun emerges from a window of the sedan; it fires, riddling the clerk with bullets. As the sedan drives away, Deadwood and the Chief run up to the dead clerk.
CHIEF
He was right.
We’ll never know when he
was planning to come back and kill us.
Doc joins them. But Deadwood ignores him.
DEADWOOD
Come on, Chief.
Let’s go see the President
again.
DOC
The President?
Why waste time with him?
DEADWOOD
I don’t recall asking for your
advice.
DOC
Let’s go see Windworth!
CHIEF
Why Windworth?
DOC
Because nothing goes on in this city
that
he’s not aware of. Or are
you afraid your
boss won’t pay any more attention to you
than Harding did?
FADE TO:
EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE THE WINDWORTH BUILDING -- DAY
Deadwood and the Chief ride their horses up to the Windworth building. It’s an impressive office building, one of the finest in Washington. As Deadwood and the Chief dismount and hitch their horses to a streetlamp, Doc arrives in his car.
DOC
When are you two fossils going to get
an
automobile?
DEADWOOD
Maybe when you get some morals.
The three of them enter the Windworth building.
INT. WINDWORTH’S RECEPTION AREA -- DAY
Deadwood is arguing with Windworth’s RECEPTIONIST, while the Chief and Doc watch. Windworth’s reception area is more impressive than Harding’s.
DEADWOOD
But yesterday I got in to see the
President!
RECEPTIONIST
Then I suggest you go back and see him
again.
No one sees Mr. Windworth
without an
appointment.
DEADWOOD
Your turn, Chief.
The Chief looks at the receptionist. She’s an officious old crone, but he decides to give his routine a try.
CHIEF
You do your job well!
You guard Mr.
Windworth like the she-wolf guards her
young.
RECEPTIONIST
And this she-wolf isn’t letting any smooth-
talking coyote get by her!
The Chief gives up, and Doc Cafferty steps up to the desk.
DOC
You must be aware of the value of the
Deadwood Kid’s act in Mr. Windworth’s
Wild West Extravaganza.
How much
more revenue do you think that act could
bring in if it also
featured the real Doc
Cafferty?
This gets the receptionist’s attention.
RECEPTIONIST
Can you get Doc Cafferty?
DOC
I am Doc Cafferty.
RECEPTIONIST
I’ll tell Mr. Windworth you’re
here.
She leaves her desk and hurries into Windworth’s office.
DEADWOOD
Hold on! If you think you’re gonna worm
your way into my act….
DOC
Your act? I thought it belonged to Windworth!
DEADWOOD
That’s right!
And when I tell him what a
low-down, two-faced, dirty snake you are,
he’ll….
The receptionist emerges from Windworth’s office.
RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Windworth will see you now.
Deadwood leads the way into Windworth’s office.
INT. WINDWORTH’S OFFICE -- DAY
Just as Windworth’s reception area is more impressive than Harding’s, his office is more impressive than the Oval Office. Windworth rises from the chair behind his huge desk as Deadwood, the Chief and Doc enter.
WINDWORTH
Deadwood, Chief, it’s good to see you
again. And you must be the
notorious
Doc Cafferty!
DEADWOOD
Mr. Windworth, he’s here under false
pretenses! Cafferty told us we
should get
your help to investigate the Veteran’s
Hospital!
He didn’t say he was going to….
WINDWORTH
I hope that doesn’t mean you won’t
join my
show.
DOC
On the contrary, I’d like to get away
from
my medical practice for a while. At
least until
people stop trying to kill me.
DEADWOOD
This man’s a killer, a thief, a
swindler….
WINDWORTH
He’ll be a spectacular draw at the
box office!
I was worried I might
have to close the show,
but with Doc Cafferty on board, I know we
can save it!
DEADWOOD
But….
WINDWORTH
You don’t want the show to fold, do
you?
DEADWOOD
No, but….
WINDWORTH
Then we have to welcome the Doc.
If we can
agree on a salary.
DOC
I’m sure whatever you’re paying
Deadwood
will be fine for me too.
DEADWOOD
That does it!!!
I’m not gonna stand here
and….
DOC
Take it easy.
I was only kidding. I’ll
take
whatever the Chief makes. That’s
fair, isn’t
it?
CHIEF
Depends. You like wampum?
Windworth starts to heard everyone out of his office.
WINDWORTH
I’m sure we’ll work something out.
Doc,
why don’t you report to the fairgrounds
tomorrow?
Deadwood is furious! He tries to regain control of the situation.
DEADWOOD
But what about the veteran’s
hospital?
WINDWORTH
I’m afraid I’ve heard something
about that.
An hour ago, the
Director of the Veteran’s
Bureau cabled the President from Europe to
tender
his resignation. It seems he was
involved
in massive pilfering at hospitals all over the
country.
This could hurt Harding badly!
DEADWOOD
But there’s more to it than that!
Someone
gunned down a hospital worker who threatened
to kill us.
WINDWORTH
Deadwood, you’re not a lawman
anymore.
Why don’t you let the
authorities handle this?
DEADWOOD
No sir! This concerns me, and I won’t step
aside.
WINDWORTH
If you’re well enough to pursue this,
then you’re
well enough to go back to the show. You’ll
start tomorrow.
You can teach the act to Doc
Cafferty in the morning.
DEADWOOD
Yes, sir.
EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE THE WINDWORTH BUILDING -- DAY
Doc climbs into his car, as Deadwood and the Chief unhitch their horses.
DEADWOOD
You’re lucky the show is in such bad
shape.
He never would have hired
you otherwise.
DOC
Wake up, Deadwood.
Did you believe all
that horseshit?
DEADWOOD
Horse…. Are you calling what Mr. Windworth
said horse manure?
DOC
No, Deadwood.
I’m calling it horseshit. I
swear, you’ve been in show business so
long, you’ve forgotten how to tell
who the
bad guys are!
Doc starts his car and drives away.
FADE TO:
EXT. ENTRANCE TO THE WILD WEST SHOW -- TWILIGHT
The sun is setting. A large poster by the entrance gate reads “THE DEADWOOD KID WILL NOT APPEAR DUE TO INJURY.” As Deadwood and the Chief ride into the fairgrounds, Deadwood rips down the poster.
EXT. WILD WEST CAMPGROUNDS -- TWILIGHT
Deadwood and the Chief dismount as they arrive at their living quarters. Deadwood has a Conestoga Wagon. The Chief lives in a teepee.
FADE TO:
EXT. WILD WEST CAMPGROUNDS -- NIGHT
Several hours have passed. As coffee brews over a campfire, Deadwood plays an old cowboy folk song on a guitar and the Chief stares into the fire. A moment of silence passes after Deadwood finishes the song.
DEADWOOD
I can’t believe Cafferty would say
those
things about Mr. Windworth. Can
you
believe he said those things?
CHIEF
I can’t believe that you can’t
believe it!
DEADWOOD
Windworth’s been mighty good to us!
CHIEF
He has kindly allowed us to make him a
fortune.
DEADWOOD
What are you, some kind of communist?
CHIEF
You saying Indians are reds?
DEADWOOD
You sound like you want to overthrow the
government!
CHIEF
Might be fun.
But communism would never
work for the white man.
You paleface are
too selfish.
DEADWOOD
What do you mean?
CHIEF
Take the buffalo, which you did.
This country
used to be filled with buffalo.
The Indians
killed the ones they needed, and left the rest
alone.
But the white men saw all those free
buffalo, and each paleface had to
kill all he
could, just to make sure no one else got more
than he did.
Hello paleface, goodbye buffalo.
DEADWOOD
Are you saying all paleface are greedy?
CHIEF
Not all. Just enough to ruin everything for the
rest of us.
They both stare into the fire.
DEADWOOD
We better got some shuteye.
We’ve got
rehearsal with Cafferty in the morning.
They unroll their blankets, then Deadwood pours the pot of coffee over the campfire, extinguishing the flames. Deadwood and the Chief lie on their blankets in silence. (Pause.) Then Deadwood speaks:
DEADWOOD
You didn’t really fight at the Little
Big Horn,
did you?
The Chief doesn’t answer.
FADE TO:
EXT. ENTRANCE TO THE WILD WEST SHOW -- DAY
Early in the morning, Doc Cafferty drives up to the fairgrounds. He smiles as he sees a worker putting up a new billboard next to the one featuring the Deadwood Kid. The new billboard proclaims: Now Also Starring The West’s Most Notorious Outlaw: DOC CAFFERTY!!!
EXT. THE STAGE -- DAY
Deadwood and the Chief are rehearsing their scene with Doc Cafferty, who holds a script, and the henchmen. The actor who used to play Doc Cafferty now plays the henchman with the bow and arrow. The henchmen lead Doc Cafferty offstage, to where he will make his entrance, as Deadwood and the Chief sit in their chairs.
DEADWOOD
We’ll start the rehearsal from where
Cafferty comes in. I say my line,
“We’re
both in a heap of trouble.”
CHIEF
Me not afraid.
No bad man ever beat
Deadwood Kid.
Doc enters with his henchmen.
DOC
Boys, I think you hit the Chief too
hard.
He’s talking like an
imbecile!
DEADWOOD
That’s not your line!
DOC
Why’s he talking that way?
DEADWOOD
That’s how folks think Indians talk.
DOC
Doesn’t sound like any Indian I ever
met.
DEADWOOD
Just read your script!
Now I say, “What
evil scheme are you planning now?
Doc looks at his script.
DOC
“A brilliant one.”
Doc stops reading his script.
DOC
If I’m so brilliant, why didn’t I
kill you
while you were unconscious?
Deadwood is getting more and more angry.
DEADWOOD
I don’t know!
Why didn’t you?
DOC
Maybe because it never happened this way!
DEADWOOD
It did too! You tried to start a war between
the Chief’s tribe and the
U.S. army!
DOC
Why would I want to do that?
DEADWOOD
To get the gold on the Chief’s
reservation!
DOC
That wasn’t gold!
That was pyrite!
DEADWOOD
You didn’t know that yet!!!
That’s why
you let me look at your bag of gold dust!
DOC
You mean this?
Doc tosses Deadwood the prop bag of gold dust. Deadwood opens it.
DEADWOOD
Okay.
You see that bit there, in the middle.
DOC
No.
DEADWOOD
Well come look at it!
DOC
No!
DEADWOOD
Why not?
DOC
You think I’m stupid?
You’ll blow the dust
in my face!
DEADWOOD
How else do you expect me to escape?
DOC
As I recall, the Chief grabbed a gun
from
my henchman.
CHIEF
Sounds plausible.
DEADWOOD
Whose side are you on?
That is not what
happened! And
it’s not the way we’re
doing this show!!!
FADE TO:
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
The Wild West Extravaganza is in progress. As the act preceding the Deadwood Kid’s act ends, the master of ceremonies steps forth to introduce the highlight of the show.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Windworth
Wild
West Extravaganza is proud to present the
greatest living hero
of the Old West, the
Deadwood Kid!
The grandstand erupts with wild applause. When it comes down, the master of ceremonies continues his announcement.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
And joining us today, the most brazen
bad man of the West, that sinister scoundrel,
that ghastly gunman, that infamous
fiend….
EXT. OUTSIDE THE ARENA -- DAY
Deadwood, the Chief and Doc Cafferty, seated on their horses, listen to the master of ceremonies’ speech as they wait to go on.
DEADWOOD
Come on! Get on with it!
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
The master of ceremonies continues his speech:
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
….
who has recently changed his ways
and become an upstanding citizen, Doc
Cafferty!
The grandstand erupts with even greater applause than it gave Deadwood. When it quiets down, the master of ceremonies announces the Chief.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Also appearing as himself will be the
Deadwood Kid’s friend and sidekick, Chief
Iron Cloud.
The Chief gets the least amount of applause. Then three horsemen gallop into the arena! It’s Deadwood, the Chief and Doc Cafferty. They ride around the ring, waving at the cheering crowd!
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
Sitting in the audience, a wild looking GUNMAN grins. He’s tall, blond, with a jagged scar on his cheek. Swiftly, he pulls a gun from his coat, aims at Deadwood, and fires!
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
The three horses rear at the sound of the shot. Doc Cafferty leaps down from his horse and uses it for cover, as the Chief pulls an arrow from his quiver and fires it in a flash at the gunman. Deadwood, the slowest to react, searches the audience for the gunman.
EXT. GRANDSTAND -- DAY
The Chief’s arrow slices into the gunman’s sleeve, and he drops his gun. Another arrow flies directly into the barrel of the gun. The Gunman flees, leaving his gun behind.
EXT. WILD WEST ARENA -- DAY
Deadwood spots the escaping gunman. He spurs his horse Shadow into action. Shadow leaps over the fence surrounding the arena and bolts into the stands, rushing up an aisle between the rows of seats, in pursuit of the gunman.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE WILD WEST SHOW -- DAY
The gunman races out through the entrance and leaps into his car. Keeping an eye out for Deadwood, he starts the engine and roars away, just as Deadwood rides into view. Deadwood continues the chase.
EXT. ROAD LEADING AWAY FROM THE WILD WEST SHOW -- DAY
As the speeding car pulls further away from him, Deadwood draws his pistol and takes careful aim. He shoots out the back tires of the gunman’s car, which spins off the road. The gunman gets out of the car with his hands raised, as Deadwood rides up and dismounts.
GUNMAN
Okay!
Okay, old-timer. You got me
fair
and square.
DEADWOOD
That’s what happens when you
underestimate
your opponent.
GUNMAN
No.
No. You never want to
underestimate
your opponent.
Deadwood steps too close, and the gunman punches him hard in the jaw, and Deadwood’s gun goes flying as he reels from the blow.
GUNMAN
You old geezer!
Who the hell do you think
you are?
DEADWOOD
Geezer!!!
Deadwood can’t believe his ears. He pulls back his fist to smash the gunman, but the gunman’s already punching him again.
GUNMAN
Yeah, geezer!
You know what happens to
old geezers who give me trouble?
They
turn into dead geezers!
The gunman gives Deadwood one last punch that knocks him off his feet. Then he picks up Deadwood’s gun and aims it at the old man’s head, but before he can shoot, Shadow rears up and kicks at the gunman. The gunman drops the gun and backs up against his car, covering his head with his hands to protect himself from Shadow’s hooves.
GUNMAN
Help!
Get him away from me!
The Chief and Doc drive up in Doc’s car. Doc uses his revolver to keep the gunman covered as the Chief calms down Shadow.
CHIEF
(patting Shadow)
Easy!
Easy there.
Deadwood rises slowly to his feet and stumbles over to Shadow.
DEADWOOD
Thanks, Shadow.
Feeling better, Deadwood makes his way over to the gunman.
DEADWOOD
You want to fight some more?
GUNMAN
No.
I give up.
DEADWOOD
You sure?
GUNMAN
I’m sure.
DEADWOOD
You going to put up your hands?
The gunman raises his hands in surrender. Deadwood smashes his fist into the gunman’s face, knocking him unconscious.
CHIEF
You never used to hit the bad guys
after
they gave up.
DEADWOOD
They never used to call me
“geezer.”
Deadwood searches through the gunman’s pockets, hunting for clues.
CHIEF
Find anything?
Deadwood finds a card and shows it to the Chief. On the card is written: 1419 Elmore Lane --TELL THEM TOMMYGUN SENT YOU.”
DEADWOOD
You think this means anything?
CHIEF
Sounds like a speakeasy.
Doc Cafferty, snooping around the gunman’s car, opens the trunk.
DOC
Hey, Deadwood, you think this means
anything?
There’s a corpse in the trunk. Doc turns it over, revealing it to be the body of the Crook who was purchasing the sheets at the hospital.
DEADWOOD
That’s the man who was buying the
sheets at the Veteran’s Hospital!
They all stare at the body, and then as Doc turns away he sees the gunman taking aim at Deadwood with the gun he’s dropped when Shadow attacked. Doc draws his own revolver in a flash and shoots a bullet between the gunman’s eyes. Deadwood is furious.
DEADWOOD
Now what’d you do that for?
DOC
It occurred to me you might not
appreciate
a bullet in your back.
DEADWOOD
I wanted to question him!
DOC
He wanted to kill you!
There wasn’t any
way to satisfy the both of you!
Cafferty stalks back to his car.
DEADWOOD
I liked him better when he was my
enemy.
FADE TO:
EXT. WILD WEST CAMPGROUNDS -- DAY
The Chief sits on the ground in front of his teepee, browsing through a copy of the Police Gazette, while Deadwood paces anxiously. Deadwood studies the card he found on the gunman’s body. Then he turns to the Chief.
DEADWOOD
Why are you so calm?
Doesn’t it bother
you when a perfect stranger shows up out of
nowhere
and tries to kill us, for no reason?
CHIEF
Sure.
But perfect strangers have been showing
up trying to kill Indians for no
reason for
hundreds of years. We
call them “the White
Man.”
DEADWOOD
That gunman must have had some reason
for
shooting at us.
CHIEF
Maybe he was still sore about General
Custer.
DEADWOOD
You didn’t fight at the Little Big
Horn!!!
The Master of Ceremonies leads a POLICEMAN over to Deadwood and the Chief.
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
Deadwood, this fellow from the police
force
is here to speak with you and the Chief.
DEADWOOD
It’s about time!
MASTER OF
CEREMONIES
I’ll go get Doc Cafferty.
The Master of Ceremonies goes to find the Doc, as Deadwood prepares to discuss the case with the policeman.
DEADWOOD
Do you want to talk first about the
killing at
the hospital?
POLICEMAN
Actually, we’ve already determined
that man
was killed by racketeers because of unpaid
gambling debts.
DEADWOOD
Oh.
Then I suppose you want my thoughts
about the man today.
I think …..
POLICEMAN
You were quite a gunfighter in your
day,
weren’t you?
DEADWOOD
I never used my gun unless I had to!
POLICEMAN
But you had quite a reputation as a
fast draw?
DEADWOOD
Of course I did!
I still do! What’s that
got
to do with….
Doc Cafferty approaches and listens to the Policeman talking.
POLICEMAN
I suspect that man wanted to make a
name for himself by outgunning the
Deadwood Kid!
DEADWOOD
That’s ridiculous!
DOC
I’ll say!
DEADWOOD
See?
Even Cafferty agrees with me!
DOC
Sure!
What kind of reputation could he get
by out-gunning a worn-out old codger
like
Deadwood?
DEADWOOD
(furious)
I can outgun you any day of….
POLICEMAN
(interrupting the argument)
Anyway, that’s the theory we’ll be
working on.
I thank you gentlemen
for your time.
The Policeman prepares to leave, then turns back with a last word for Deadwood.
POLICEMAN
And during the rest of your stay in
Washington,
try to stay out of trouble.
FADE TO:
EXT. OUTSIDE A SPEAKEASY --NIGHT
Deadwood and the Chief ride their horses down Elmore Lane, while Doc drives beside them in his car. Deadwood inspects a sign at the street corner to make sure they’re on the right street.
DOC
If you’re such a big fan of law and
order, why
didn’t you tell the police about the card you
found?
DEADWOOD
If you don’t like the way I’m
handling things,
you can go home now.
CHIEF
Can I go home now?
DEADWOOD
No!
CHIEF
I don’t like saloons.
Every time we go in
a saloon, there’s a fight.
I think it’s because
white people can’t handle firewater.
DEADWOOD
That was in the old days.
Things are more
civilized now.
Deadwood located 1419 Elmore Lane. He looks at the card he took from the gunman to make sure he has the right address. Then he and the Chief dismount, while Doc parks his car. Deadwood knocks on the door, and is answered by a VOICE from inside.
VOICE
(O.S.)
Yeah?
DEADWOOD
Tommygun sent me.
The door opens. Deadwood, the Chief and Doc step inside.
INT. SPEAKEASY -- NIGHT
They enter the most uncivilized, wild, roaring, 1920’s saloon imaginable. FLAPPERS on a small stage are trying to do the Charleston, but it’s difficult because they and the Band are as drunk as the PATRONS. Deadwood jerks his head in the direction of the bar, and Doc and the Chief follow him as he wends his way through the boisterous crowd. A tough looking BARKEEPER greets them at the bar.
BARKEEPER
What’ll it be?
DOC
Whiskey.
Doc is served.
DEADWOOD
Just soda water for me.
BARKEEPER
Soda water!!!
DEADWOOD
I’m not a drinking man.
The Chief winces. He knows what’s coming.
BARKEEPER
I see. You just came in for the atmosphere.
DEADWOOD
I was hoping to speak with the
proprietor
about a mutual friend: a
tall, blond fellow
with a scar right here.
Deadwood indicates where the scar was on the gunman.
BARKEEPER
Step in here.
The barkeeper indicates a doorway beside the bar. Deadwood turns to the Chief.
DEADWOOD
I told you there wouldn’t be any
trouble.
The Chief and Doc exchange glances. Then Deadwood steps through the doorway and an instant later a colossal punch sends him flying back out. Deadwood smashes into a table, knocking it over into another table.
The angry drinkers at the first table pick up Deadwood and hit him so that he goes careening into a second table. The drinkers at the second table start fighting with the drinkers at the first table, and a fantastic, furious barroom brawl breaks out.
Doc and the Chief grab the now unconscious Deadwood by the feet and drag him behind the bar, out of harm’s way. Doc inspects Deadwood as the brawl rages throughout the rest of the speakeasy.
CHIEF
How is he?
DOC
Pulse is strong.
Doesn’t feel like any bones
are broken.
I won’t be able to tell if there’s
a concussion until he wakes up,
but I expect
he’ll be all right.
A BODY comes flying over the bar. Doc takes it by the hands and the Chief takes it by the feet, and together they swing it back over the bar where it came from.
DOC
Don’t you think we’re getting a
little old
for this?
CHIEF
This is all Deadwood knows how to do.
DOC
You’d think after all this time,
he’d have learned
to do it better.
Eventually, the sounds of the brawl begin to die out. Doc and the Chief come cautiously out from behind the bar; they see the place is wrecked. Everyone is either dazed or unconscious. Doc and the Chief take out their guns and knocks on the door beside the bar. Quickly, they press themselves up against the wall, one on each side of the door. When the door opens and the barkeeper looks out, they each put a gun to one side of his head.
DOC
As our friend was saying, we’d like
to speak
to the proprietor.
FADE TO:
INT. TOMMYGUN’S OFFICE -- NIGHT
Deadwood, stretched out on a couch, is fighting his way back to consciousness.
DEADWOOD
(mumbling, semiconscious)
Chief, did you get a look at the dirty
bushwhackers who….
TOMMYGUN TUCKER, a dapper, charming racketeer in his early thirties, introduces himself.
TOMMYGUN
I’m afraid my boys were responsible.
Believe me, no one would have touched you
if I’d known you were the
Deadwood Kid.
Deadwood opens his eyes and stares at Tommygun.
DEADWOOD
Who are you?
TOMMYGUN
Thomas Tucker, but everyone calls me
Tommygun. I own this place.
Deadwood sits up. He sees the Chief and Doc Cafferty are seated nearby. Deadwood turns his attention back to Tommygun.
DEADWOOD
Then you’re a crook.
TOMMYGUN
Yes.
DEADWOOD
You sell bootleg liquor!
TOMMYGUN
Guilty as charged.
DEADWOOD
You’re an evil man!
TOMMYGUN
By your standards.
But ever since I was a
little boy, you’ve been my hero!
I’d be
honored to shake your hand.
Tommygun offers his hand to Deadwood, who is reluctant to take it.
DOC
Go ahead and shake it, Deadwood.
He’s
not going to contaminate you!
Deadwood shakes Tommygun’s hand.
DEADWOOD
This doesn’t mean I approve of you.
I
ought to place you under citizen’s arrest.
TOMMYGUN
Wouldn’t do you any good.
The chief of
police is on my payroll.
I understand you
want some information on the man who
tried to kill you
today.
DEADWOOD
How’d you know about that?
TOMMYGUN
The chief of police is on my payroll.
The man
who shot at you was outside talent, a hired
killer from Chicago.
DEADWOOD
He had your card in his pocket.
You know
why?
TOMMYGUN
Maybe he wanted a drink.
DEADWOOD
Or a job?
TOMMYGUN
That man was cut-rate.
I only employ the best.
CHIEF
Maybe he had your card because he
planned
to kill you next.
TOMMYGUN
That’s a cheery thought, but
doubtful. I’ve
made peace with my
competitors; no one
wishes trouble now. I’m
sorry I can’t be of
more help. If
there’s anything else I can do…
Deadwood decides to put Tommygun in his place.
DEADWOOD
I don’t need a racketeer’s help!
If I need
anything, I’ll ask my personal friend, President
Warren G.
Harding.
TOMMYGUN
Are you friends with W.G.?
How is he these
days? Frankly,
I’ve been concerned about
his health.
DEADWOOD
(furious)
Don’t pretend the President is your
friend!
TOMMYGUN
More of a customer.
I provide the beverage
for his pals over at the little green house on
K
Street.
DEADWOOD
I don’t believe you!
TOMMYGUN
I could tell you things about W.G.
you’d find
much more unbelievable than that.
DEADWOOD
I’m sure there’s no end to the
scurrilous lies
you’d make up.
TOMMYGUN
A strange remark from the man who
uncovered
the scandal at the Veterans’ Bureau.
DEADWOOD
That had nothing to do with the
President!
TOMMYGUN
Oddly enough, I think you’re right, but he'll be
the one blamed.
Poor soft-hearted, soft-headed
Warren Gamaliel.
There’s so much happening he
doesn’t know about.
DEADWOOD
Such as what?
TOMMYGUN
First, I’d like to introduce you to
two good
friends of mine, a young lady and her daughter.
If you’ll come with me and say hello, I’ll tell
you some things
President Harding ought to
know.
DEADWOOD
All right. It’s high time I learned something
that's useful to somebody.
DOC
I’ll agree with that.
TOMMYGUN
It’s too late tonight.
Why don’t you sleep
here, and we can pay a call first thing in
the
morning?
DOC
That’s a good idea, Deadwood.
You should
rest up until your head feels better.
DEADWOOD
Why is it all you outlaws are so
concerned
about my health?
TOMMYGUN
It must be that we like you.
Get some sleep.
Tommygun walks over to Doc and the Chief.
TOMMYGUN
I have some comfortable couches in the
back room.
CHIEF
Thanks. I’ll sleep in here on the floor.
TOMMYGUN
Suit yourself.
Doc?
DOC
A couch sounds good to me.
And maybe
a little nightcap?
Doc follows Tommygun out the door. The Chief looks at Deadwood, who is already fast asleep. The Chief closes the door, and stretches out to sleep on the floor in front of the door, to make certain Deadwood’s sleep is undisturbed.
INT. SPEAKEASY -- DAY
Tommygun, wearing a dressing gown, knocks on the door to his office to wake up the Chief and Deadwood.
TOMMYGUN
Deadwood! Chief! It’s
seven o’clock.
Time to wake up.
Deadwood opens the door and walks out, followed by the Chief. Both are fully dressed and ready to go.
DEADWOOD
No, six o’clock is time to wake up.
Seven
o’clock is time to get to work.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE SPEAKEASY -- DAY
Shadow and Wizard are waiting outside, as Deadwood, the Chief, Doc Cafferty and Tommygun emerge from the Speakeasy. Tommygun walks to his car.
TOMMYGUN
We can all ride in my car.
DEADWOOD
No, sir! Shadow here saved my life yesterday.
I’m not going anywhere without him.
TOMMYGUN
All right. Ride your horse and follow me.
Deadwood climbs onto Shadow, while the Chief gets onto Wizard.
DOC
I’ll ride with you.
Doc Cafferty and Tommygun get into Tommygun’s car. Tommygun drives off. Deadwood and the Chief follow on their horses.
EXT. IN FRONT OF NAN’S HOUSE -- DAY
Tommygun drives down a residential street, and parks in front of a small, two-story wooden house where NAN BRITTON is staying. Tommygun and Doc walk up to the front door while Deadwood and the Chief dismount. Tommygun knocks on the door, and after a moment Nan answers from inside.
NAN
(O.S.)
Who is it?
TOMMYGUN
It’s me, Nan.
Nan opens the door. She’s a very attractive, innocent-looking, young woman. She holds her three-year-old daughter, ELIZABETH ANN, in her arms.
NAN
Is everything all right?
TOMMYGUN
Fine.
I just brought some fellow I’d like
to introduce to Elizabeth Ann.
NAN
Come in.
INT. NAN’S LIVING ROOM -- DAY
Nan leads Tommygun, Deadwood, Doc and the Chief into her living room, where they make themselves comfortable.
NAN
Please, sit down.
Would you like some
breakfast?
TOMMYGUN
We’ll just be a minute.
Elizabeth Ann,
this won’t mean much to you now, but I
hope you’ll
remember it for a long time to
come. I
want you to say hello to one of
the finest Americans you’ll ever meet, the
Deadwood Kid.
Deadwood stands and smiles at Elizabeth Ann.
NAN
Say hello, honey.
ELIZABETH ANN
(cute as could be)
Hello, Deadwood.
DEADWOOD
Hello, Elizabeth Ann.
I’m very pleased
to meet you.
TOMMYGUN
And this is his partner, Chief Iron
Cloud.
ELIZABETH ANN
Hello, Chief.
CHIEF
Hello, little one.
TOMMYGUN
These two men helped tame the Wild
West. Some day you’ll be proud to
tell
your grandchildren you met them.
DOC
What about me?
TOMMYGUN
Oh.
Excuse me, Doctor. Elizabeth
Ann,
this gentleman was… Well,
he was….
DEADWOOD
(standing)
Let me tell her.
Elizabeth Ann, this man
was the most no-good, thieving, backstabbing,
crookedest skunk in the West.
Elizabeth Ann looks impressed.
DEADWOOD
He says he’s a better man now.
Maybe
he is. But I guess the West wouldn’t have
been what it was without
the likes of Doc
Cafferty.
DOC
You can call me Doc.
ELIZABETH ANN
Hello, Doc.
DOC
Hello, little lady.
When you grow up, don’t
ever get involved with a scoundrel like me.
You settle down with a good man like
Deadwood.
DEADWOOD
Actually, I was never the type to
settle down.
CHIEF
I guess that means you’d better find
yourself
an Indian Chief like me.
ELIZABETH ANN
Okay, Chief.
NAN
Are you really the Deadwood Kid?
DEADWOOD
Yes, Ma’am.
NAN
My father used to tell me stories about
you.
He said when he was a boy, you
were his
greatest hero.
TOMMYGUN
I should have introduced our hostess
earlier.
Allow me to present
Elizabeth Ann’s charming
mother, Nan Britton.
Deadwood, the Chief and Doc Cafferty all nod to Nan.
NAN
Please, sit down.
I can’t believe you all
dropped by just to meet my daughter.
Everyone sits down.
DEADWOOD
Actually, we came because Mr. Tucker
said
he’d give us some information about the
President if we did.
NAN
Oh, but Tommy….
TOMMYGUN
It’s all right, Nan.
If we can’t trust the
Deadwood Kid, who on God’s green earth
can
anyone trust?
NAN
I don’t understand.
Why did you ….
TOMMYGUN
I just wanted Elizabeth Ann to cast her
spell
on him, win him over to our side.
DEADWOOD
I don’t know what side you folks are
on. But
if that little girl is in
trouble, I’ll do anything
that’s morally right to help her out.
DOC
And I’ll do anything that’s morally
questionable.
So between the two of
us, she’s all set.
NAN
Thank you both.
I’m going to go upstairs and
put this little girl back to bed for a
nap. If
you’d like to stay for
breakfast….
DEADWOOD
Thank you Ma’am, but we’re
obligated to
appear in a Wild West show this afternoon,
and if we don’t get
back there soon, they’re
liable to start worrying.
NAN
Then thank you for stopping by, and
thank
you for volunteering to help my daughter.
Nan kisses Deadwood, the Chief and Doc on the cheek, and then starts upstairs with Elizabeth Ann as Tommygun leads the men out the front door.
EXT. IN FRONT OF NAN’S HOUSE -- DAY
Deadwood turns to Tommygun as they leave the house with Doc and the Chief.
DEADWOOD
I notice you didn’t say anything
about the
lady’s husband.
TOMMYGUN
The lady isn’t married.
Does that upset you?
DEADWOOD
There was a lot of that in the West.
Young
girls led astray. I
blame the men, not the ladies.
You
wouldn’t be the father, would you?
TOMMYGUN
No, unfortunately.
If only I were, then I could
die a happy man.
A black sedan, with the barrel of a machine gun poking out of the window, comes barreling down the street. The Chief is the first to see it.
CHIEF
Down!
They all hit the dirt as bullets are sprayed at them. As the sedan passes, Deadwood and the Chief look first at each other to make sure they’re both all right. Then Doc demands they’re attention.
DOC
Deadwood! He’s not going to make it.
Doc Cafferty is inspecting Tommygun, who is covered with blood and struggling to speak.
TOMMYGUN
(his dying words)
Protect Nan.
Tommygun dies, but there’s no time to mourn.
CHIEF
Car’s coming back!
The sedan has turned around, and it is headed back down the street. Deadwood, Doc and the Chief run back to Nan’s house, throw open the front door, and dive in.
INT. INSIDE NAN’S FRONT DOOR -- DAY
Machine gun fire rips into the house as Deadwood, Doc and the Chief hug the floor.
DEADWOOD
Nan!
NAN
(O.S., from upstairs)
Up here!
Deadwood runs up the stairs, followed by Doc and the Chief.
INT. NAN’S UPSTAIRS HALLWAY -- DAY
Nan, carrying Elizabeth Ann in her arms, meets them at the top of the stairs. She’s heard the gunfire and is frantic. Elizabeth Ann is whimpering.
NAN
What is it?
DEADWOOD
We’ve got to get away!
Follow us!
NAN
Where’s Tommy?
DEADWOOD
He told us to help you.
NAN
Where is he?
DEADWOOD
Chief, look out that window.
See if they’re
still there.
The Chief looks out a window at the front end of the hallway.
NAN
Where’s Tommy?
DOC
They killed him.
They’ll kill us too, if we don’t
get out of here.
DEADWOOD
Are they waiting for us, Chief?
CHIEF
I wouldn’t call it waiting.
Deadwood looks out the window.
EXT.
IN FRONT OF
The HIRED GUNMEN who killed
Tommygun have gotten out of their sedan, and are pouring gasoline all over the
base of the house. From the window,
Deadwood shoots one of the Hired Gunmen in the arm.
The wounded man drops his gasoline to the ground, but the other Hired
Gunmen light matches and toss them at the gasoline, and
INT.
Deadwood tries to lead the others downstairs.
DEADWOOD
Come on!
Now!
Before they get halfway down the stairs, they are met by a wall of flames. They retreat back up, and down to the back end of the hallway.