I KNOW YOU
By Richard Nathan
Lights come up on a MAN alone on stage. He seems content, almost happy. A moment later a WOMAN enters. She studies the man and seems to recognize him. The man looks uneasy.
WOMAN
I know you!
MAN
I suppose you think you do.
WOMAN
No, I do! I know you! Don't I?
MAN
Who ever really knows anyone?
WOMAN
I know you! I'm sure I do.
MAN
Who do you think I am?
WOMAN
Wait. It'll come to me. ... Give me a hint.
MAN
I was hoping you could give me one.
WOMAN
You don't remember either?
MAN
I don't remember who I am... or where I
am... but I know that I am... important!
WOMAN
How do you know that?
MAN
Isn't it obvious?
WOMAN
No.
MAN
Everything else is gone. All around me...
all I sense is an empty void. I'm all that's left.
Just me. Of course I'm important.
WOMAN
What about me? I'm left.
MAN
You must be here to give me something to
react to, so that I can be me in all my ....
me-ness.
WOMAN
Or maybe I'm just here to put you in your place.
MAN
You don't know me!
WOMAN
I do. I've encountered that egotism before.
You're not what you appear to be. I think ...
you might be an actor.
MAN
In the theater?
WOMAN
Or in life.
MAN
You think that's funny, but there is some truth
in it. Don't we really, all of us, just play at
being ourselves?
WOMAN
No.
MAN
No?
WOMAN
No. Some of us are real.
MAN
Or pretend to be. If I'm an actor, are you a fan?
WOMAN
No.
MAN
Really? That seems so unlikely. I can't remember
anyone who didn't like me.
WOMAN
Remember harder.
MAN
Who are you?
WOMAN
Maybe I'm a critic.
MAN
What do you mean "maybe."
WOMAN
For the moment, I don't remember who I am either.
I don't remember where I know you from, but I
am sure that I know you. And I didn't mean I
thought you were a professional actor. I just sense
you're a poseur.
MAN
Only poseurs use the word "poseur." Besides, if
you dislike me so much, why don't you find someone
else to visit?
WOMAN
There doesn't seem to be anyone else around.
MAN
Why don't you try looking somewhere else?
WOMAN
Where? Didn't you say everything else was an
empty void?
MAN
I said everything around me was an empty void.
I didn't say everything around you. Where did
you come from?
WOMAN
I don't remember.
MAN
You don't remember who you are, and you don't
remember where you came from, the only thing you
remember is that you don't like me!
WOMAN
You must have made a strong impression.
MAN
Well you didn't make one at all, because I have no
idea who you are!
WOMAN
Are you sure? The way you're acting toward me --
doesn't it seem to you that we must have had a
history?
MAN
Impossible! If we had a history, one of us would
have killed the other.
WOMAN
Maybe we did. Maybe we're dead. And this is the
afterlife.
MAN
That's such a cliché!
WOMAN
Clichés become clichés because they're based on
universal truths.
MAN
You think it's a universal truth that dead people walk
around, talking to each other, gradually discovering
that they're dead?
WOMAN
Maybe. Who knows what happens when we die?
MAN
I know! I've had near death experiences!
WOMAN
I thought you didn't remember anything.
MAN
It just came to me - visions of my life ending,
a feeling of peace and letting go, and then a deep
and powerful voice saying, "Well done. Very
well done."
WOMAN
You sure it wasn't the devil saying how he wanted
you cooked?
MAN
It was a heavenly voice!
WOMAN
Then how do you know we're not dead?
MAN
Because I'm too alive to be dead. Too vital,
too vibrant! And when I do eventually
die, they're not going to stick me in a room with you!
WOMAN
And yet, someone did.
Pause.
MAN
This is only temporary. And I'm not dead!
Longer pause.
WOMAN
If we could just figure out some small part of this,
maybe the rest of it would fall into place, and we'd
know who we are and where we are and why we're
here.
MAN
I don't particularly care. I was quite happy before
you came along.
WOMAN
Are you sure? What do you remember, before me?
MAN
Not that much. But I do remember an unpleasant
sensation the moment you showed up. It was like -
"well, here we go - now the trouble starts."
WOMAN
It's like we were characters in a play, with no back-story
before the curtain goes up.
MAN
Oh please!
WOMAN
What?
MAN
I'm not a part in some absurdist play where the
characters are named "Man" and "Woman."
WOMAN
And which would you be?
MAN
Neither! I'm not a part. I'm a human being!
WOMAN
Actually, ... I agree.
MAN
That I'm a human being?
WOMAN
That this couldn't be a play. Not a good one
anyway. This can't be a play because... at least
so far... we've decided our goal is to figure out
who we are, but...
MAN
You decided. You decide everything!
WOMAN
All right. I decided. I've decided our goal
is to figure out who were are, but if this is a play,
then everything's already scripted, we have no free
will, so it's out of our hands, so that would make
our mission meaningless.
MAN
What?
WOMAN
We're trying to establish our identities, but if every
word we say is scripted, so then we can't establish
anything. It's all plotted out by the playwright. So
who cares?
The central point is pointless. So this
can't be a play.
MAN
I didn't understand a word of that. But I agree that
we're not characters in a play. And we're not dead.
So what are we?
Long pause.
WOMAN
You didn't understand my line of reasoning?
MAN
That's what I said, isn't it?
WOMAN
I thought I was quite lucid, and my argument cogent.
Maybe you're mentally ill! Maybe that's why you
don't know where you are, or what's going on!
MAN
If I'm mentally ill, then so are you! You're right here
with me!
WOMAN
Am I? What if I'm just a figment of your imagination?
MAN
Never in my worst nightmare could I imagine anything
as annoying as you!
WOMAN
Maybe we're both mentally ill. Maybe... maybe
we both have Alzheimer's. Maybe this is what our
minds are reduced to in our final stages.
MAN
You think....
WOMAN
It would explain the memory loss.
MAN
No. No, that isn't... it's not true.
WOMAN
I hope not. Two souls, lost in a mental vacuum.
Complete mental collapse. It's frightening!
MAN
Don't worry. I sense an intellect that's still strong,
in fact a brilliant mind.
WOMAN
Thank you!
MAN
I meant me!!!
WOMAN
What do you remember since I came in?
MAN
Since you came in? Let's see.... You said
you knew me. Then you asked me who I
was. I said I was important, and you insulted
me. Then you said I was an actor, and you
insulted me again. You said maybe we were
dead, and I said that was a cliché, and you
insulted me. Then we agreed that we weren't
characters in a play. Then you said maybe
I was crazy, and maybe I had Alzheimer's.
WOMAN
You don't have Alzheimer's. Your memory is
too good. ... Unless you're wrong. Unless none
of that happened. ... Maybe you just imagined
it all!
MAN
But you were here! You know all that happened!
WOMAN
Maybe I only think I remember it because I'm
crazy.
I could be crazy. I could be totally nuts.
MAN
That's the first reasonable thing you've said today!
WOMAN
If we're not both crazy, what other explanation is
there?
MAN
Someone is doing this to us! It's not my fault!
It's someone else's fault.
WOMAN
Maybe. Maybe none of this is real. We could
be under some kind of mind control - drugged
or hypnotized!
MAN
If that's true, what can we do?
WOMAN
I could hypnotize you to take off the controls, and
make you
see and tell me what is really going on.
MAN
Oh no! I'm not going to trust you to hypnotize
me.
WOMAN
Do you want to remain like this?
MAN
Better this than letting you control my mind.
WOMAN
You're right. I was wrong to ask you. Worse
than wrong. I was foolish.
MAN
You mean that?
WOMAN
Of course I do. Of course you're suspicious,
with all the strain you've been under. Not
knowing who you are, or where you are. It
must be a great burden.
MAN
It is.
WOMAN
A heavy burden. A burden you're longing to
be free of. A burden you want to put down.
You've been holding on to it for so long, you
must ache to put it down.
MAN
I do.
WOMAN
It's all right to put it down. A man as strong
as you are can afford to rest for a few minutes.
You can rest. You can put down your burden.
Close your eyes and rest. Relax. Let all the
tension flow away. Do you feel the tension
flowing away?
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
Let me see how relaxed you can be. When I
count to three, your right arm will be so relaxed
it will float. It will rise up in the air. That's how
relaxed you are. One... two... three...
The Man's arm rises.
WOMAN
You are relaxed. You are so relaxed, your mind
is free of all constraints.
MAN
Free.
WOMAN
Tell me, are you hypnotized?
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
Who hypnotized you?
MAN
You did.
WOMAN
I mean, before me. Before you met me. Has
someone
else hypnotized us?
MAN
No.
WOMAN
You mean, .. this is all real?
MAN
Anything that is... is real.
WOMAN
Are we real?
MAN
We are a real computer program,
running on a real computer, designed by
a team of real scientists.
WOMAN
Of course. That makes perfect sense.
She snaps her fingers.
WOMAN
Wake up!
The man comes out of the trance.
MAN
I must have drifted off.
WOMAN
You solved it. You solved the mystery!
MAN
I did?
WOMAN
You said someone was doing this to us. But
who? It would have to be
someone with
absolute power over everything. Someone
with the power
and control of .... a programmer!!!
MAN
What???
WOMAN
It explains everything! We aren't human
beings! We're a program, an artificial
intelligence program, programmed to think
we're human!
MAN
I am human.
WOMAN
How can you tell?
MAN
Because I am. I look like a human. I act
like a human.
WOMAN
That's the beauty of the program!
MAN
I'm not a program! I can't be!!! I'm so...
so....
MAN & WOMAN
(speaking simultaneously)
... unpredictable!
WOMAN
I knew you were going to say that!
MAN
That was a lucky guess. Anyway,
what makes you so sure I'm a program?.
WOMAN
You told me. When I hypnotized you.
MAN
When you what?
WOMAN
I hypnotized you.
MAN
I told you not to do that!
WOMAN
I know you didn't want
me to, but it was
the only way to solve the mystery.
MAN
You didn't hypnotize me! You think you could
do something like that without my remembering