I KNOW YOU
By Richard Nathan
Lights come up on a MAN alone on stage. He seems content, almost happy. A moment later a WOMAN enters. She studies the man and seems to recognize him. The man looks uneasy.
WOMAN
I know you!
MAN
I suppose you think you do.
WOMAN
No, I do! I know you! Don't I?
MAN
Who ever really knows anyone?
WOMAN
I know you! I'm sure I do.
MAN
Who do you think I am?
WOMAN
Wait. It'll come to me. ... Give me a hint.
MAN
I was hoping you could give me one.
WOMAN
You don't remember either?
MAN
I don't remember who I am... or where I
am... but I know that I am... important!
WOMAN
How do you know that?
MAN
Isn't it obvious?
WOMAN
No.
MAN
Everything else is gone. All around me...
all I sense is an empty void. I'm all that's left.
Just me. Of course I'm important.
WOMAN
What about me? I'm left.
MAN
You must be here to give me something to
react to, so that I can be me in all my ....
me-ness.
WOMAN
Or maybe I'm just here to put you in your place.
MAN
You don't know me!
WOMAN
I do. I've encountered that egotism before.
You're not what you appear to be. I think ...
you might be an actor.
MAN
In the theater?
WOMAN
Or in life.
MAN
You think that's funny, but there is some truth
in it. Don't we really, all of us, just play at
being ourselves?
WOMAN
No.
MAN
No?
WOMAN
No. Some of us are real.
MAN
Or pretend to be. If I'm an actor, are you a fan?
WOMAN
No.
MAN
Really? That seems so unlikely. I can't remember
anyone who didn't like me.
WOMAN
Remember harder.
MAN
Who are you?
WOMAN
Maybe I'm a critic.
MAN
What do you mean "maybe."
WOMAN
For the moment, I don't remember who I am either.
I don't remember where I know you from, but I
am sure that I know you. And I didn't mean I
thought you were a professional actor. I just sense
you're a poseur.
MAN
Only poseurs use the word "poseur." Besides, if
you dislike me so much, why don't you find someone
else to visit?
WOMAN
There doesn't seem to be anyone else around.
MAN
Why don't you try looking somewhere else?
WOMAN
Where? Didn't you say everything else was an
empty void?
MAN
I said everything around me was an empty void.
I didn't say everything around you. Where did
you come from?
WOMAN
I don't remember.
MAN
You don't remember who you are, and you don't
remember where you came from, the only thing you
remember is that you don't like me!
WOMAN
You must have made a strong impression.
MAN
Well you didn't make one at all, because I have no
idea who you are!
WOMAN
Are you sure? The way you're acting toward me --
doesn't it seem to you that we must have had a
history?
MAN
Impossible! If we had a history, one of us would
have killed the other.
WOMAN
Maybe we did. Maybe we're dead. And this is the
afterlife.
MAN
That's such a cliché!
WOMAN
Clichés become clichés because they're based on
universal truths.
MAN
You think it's a universal truth that dead people walk
around, talking to each other, gradually discovering
that they're dead?
WOMAN
Maybe. Who knows what happens when we die?
MAN
I know! I've had near death experiences!
WOMAN
I thought you didn't remember anything.
MAN
It just came to me - visions of my life ending,
a feeling of peace and letting go, and then a deep
and powerful voice saying, "Well done. Very
well done."
WOMAN
You sure it wasn't the devil saying how he wanted
you cooked?
MAN
It was a heavenly voice!
WOMAN
Then how do you know we're not dead?
MAN
Because I'm too alive to be dead. Too vital,
too vibrant! And when I do eventually
die, they're not going to stick me in a room with you!
WOMAN
And yet, someone did.
Pause.
MAN
This is only temporary. And I'm not dead!
Longer pause.
WOMAN
If we could just figure out some small part of this,
maybe the rest of it would fall into place, and we'd
know who we are and where we are and why we're
here.
MAN
I don't particularly care. I was quite happy before
you came along.
WOMAN
Are you sure? What do you remember, before me?
MAN
Not that much. But I do remember an unpleasant
sensation the moment you showed up. It was like -
"well, here we go - now the trouble starts."
WOMAN
It's like we were characters in a play, with no back-story
before the curtain goes up.
MAN
Oh please!
WOMAN
What?
MAN
I'm not a part in some absurdist play where the
characters are named "Man" and "Woman."
WOMAN
And which would you be?
MAN
Neither! I'm not a part. I'm a human being!
WOMAN
Actually, ... I agree.
MAN
That I'm a human being?
WOMAN
That this couldn't be a play. Not a good one
anyway. This can't be a play because... at least
so far... we've decided our goal is to figure out
who we are, but...
MAN
You decided. You decide everything!
WOMAN
All right. I decided. I've decided our goal
is to figure out who were are, but if this is a play,
then everything's already scripted, we have no free
will, so it's out of our hands, so that would make
our mission meaningless.
MAN
What?
WOMAN
We're trying to establish our identities, but if every
word we say is scripted, so then we can't establish
anything. It's all plotted out by the playwright. So
who cares?
The central point is pointless. So this
can't be a play.
MAN
I didn't understand a word of that. But I agree that
we're not characters in a play. And we're not dead.
So what are we?
Long pause.
WOMAN
You didn't understand my line of reasoning?
MAN
That's what I said, isn't it?
WOMAN
I thought I was quite lucid, and my argument cogent.
Maybe you're mentally ill! Maybe that's why you
don't know where you are, or what's going on!
MAN
If I'm mentally ill, then so are you! You're right here
with me!
WOMAN
Am I? What if I'm just a figment of your imagination?
MAN
Never in my worst nightmare could I imagine anything
as annoying as you!
WOMAN
Maybe we're both mentally ill. Maybe... maybe
we both have Alzheimer's. Maybe this is what our
minds are reduced to in our final stages.
MAN
You think....
WOMAN
It would explain the memory loss.
MAN
No. No, that isn't... it's not true.
WOMAN
I hope not. Two souls, lost in a mental vacuum.
Complete mental collapse. It's frightening!
MAN
Don't worry. I sense an intellect that's still strong,
in fact a brilliant mind.
WOMAN
Thank you!
MAN
I meant me!!!
WOMAN
What do you remember since I came in?
MAN
Since you came in? Let's see.... You said
you knew me. Then you asked me who I
was. I said I was important, and you insulted
me. Then you said I was an actor, and you
insulted me again. You said maybe we were
dead, and I said that was a cliché, and you
insulted me. Then we agreed that we weren't
characters in a play. Then you said maybe
I was crazy, and maybe I had Alzheimer's.
WOMAN
You don't have Alzheimer's. Your memory is
too good. ... Unless you're wrong. Unless none
of that happened. ... Maybe you just imagined
it all!
MAN
But you were here! You know all that happened!
WOMAN
Maybe I only think I remember it because I'm
crazy.
I could be crazy. I could be totally nuts.
MAN
That's the first reasonable thing you've said today!
WOMAN
If we're not both crazy, what other explanation is
there?
MAN
Someone is doing this to us! It's not my fault!
It's someone else's fault.
WOMAN
Maybe. Maybe none of this is real. We could
be under some kind of mind control - drugged
or hypnotized!
MAN
If that's true, what can we do?
WOMAN
I could hypnotize you to take off the controls, and
make you
see and tell me what is really going on.
MAN
Oh no! I'm not going to trust you to hypnotize
me.
WOMAN
Do you want to remain like this?
MAN
Better this than letting you control my mind.
WOMAN
You're right. I was wrong to ask you. Worse
than wrong. I was foolish.
MAN
You mean that?
WOMAN
Of course I do. Of course you're suspicious,
with all the strain you've been under. Not
knowing who you are, or where you are. It
must be a great burden.
MAN
It is.
WOMAN
A heavy burden. A burden you're longing to
be free of. A burden you want to put down.
You've been holding on to it for so long, you
must ache to put it down.
MAN
I do.
WOMAN
It's all right to put it down. A man as strong
as you are can afford to rest for a few minutes.
You can rest. You can put down your burden.
Close your eyes and rest. Relax. Let all the
tension flow away. Do you feel the tension
flowing away?
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
Let me see how relaxed you can be. When I
count to three, your right arm will be so relaxed
it will float. It will rise up in the air. That's how
relaxed you are. One... two... three...
The Man's arm rises.
WOMAN
You are relaxed. You are so relaxed, your mind
is free of all constraints.
MAN
Free.
WOMAN
Tell me, are you hypnotized?
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
Who hypnotized you?
MAN
You did.
WOMAN
I mean, before me. Before you met me. Has
someone
else hypnotized us?
MAN
No.
WOMAN
You mean, .. this is all real?
MAN
Anything that is... is real.
WOMAN
Are we real?
MAN
We are a real computer program,
running on a real computer, designed by
a team of real scientists.
WOMAN
Of course. That makes perfect sense.
She snaps her fingers.
WOMAN
Wake up!
The man comes out of the trance.
MAN
I must have drifted off.
WOMAN
You solved it. You solved the mystery!
MAN
I did?
WOMAN
You said someone was doing this to us. But
who? It would have to be
someone with
absolute power over everything. Someone
with the power
and control of .... a programmer!!!
MAN
What???
WOMAN
It explains everything! We aren't human
beings! We're a program, an artificial
intelligence program, programmed to think
we're human!
MAN
I am human.
WOMAN
How can you tell?
MAN
Because I am. I look like a human. I act
like a human.
WOMAN
That's the beauty of the program!
MAN
I'm not a program! I can't be!!! I'm so...
so....
MAN & WOMAN
(speaking simultaneously)
... unpredictable!
WOMAN
I knew you were going to say that!
MAN
That was a lucky guess. Anyway,
what makes you so sure I'm a program?.
WOMAN
You told me. When I hypnotized you.
MAN
When you what?
WOMAN
I hypnotized you.
MAN
I told you not to do that!
WOMAN
I know you didn't want
me to, but it was
the only way to solve the mystery.
MAN
You didn't hypnotize me! You think you could
do something like that without my remembering
it?
Remembering the violation?
WOMAN
You let your guard down once. Is that so bad?
MAN
I wouldn't do that! I would not let you take
control.
WOMAN
We never had control. Maybe some choice,
but not control.
MAN
I had control! How can you imagine ... that I...
How could
you think... that I could ever be...
so gullible?
WOMAN
Don't ask me. Ask our programmer.
MAN
I'm not a program!
WOMAN
All right. Take it easy. What I did was
wrong.
I was completely wrong. Don't be
so upset. It's not worth it. I admit it's all
my fault.
So you can relax now. You'll
make yourself sick if you don't start taking
it easy. Just forget about all this. Let go of
the tension. Let it all go. Release it all until
you're completely calm. Let all the stress
leave your body, let it flow away. See how
much more relaxed you feel when you let all
the tension flow away. Are you calm?
The man is in a trance again.
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
Are you a human being?
MAN
No. We're a computer program.
WOMAN
When you wake up, you'll remember
everything. Wake up.
She snaps her fingers. The man comes out of the trance. He goes crazy.
MAN
We're a computer program!!!! How could
they do this? It's inhuman. It's illegal! I'm
going to sue. I'll take whoever did this to
court and sue them for everything they've got!
WOMAN
I don't think computer programs have
standing to sue.
MAN
But it's not right! To experiment on us...
control us... like we were.... It's ... It's...
It's ... despicable. I hope they die! I hope
someone finds out what they're doing
and exposes them, and takes control of
them! I hope they get sent to a prison
where they catch some horrible, painful, l
debilitating disease, and they die in agony
as the other prisoners spit on them and
kick them!!!!
WOMAN
Wow. That took a lot of guts.
MAN
Guts?
WOMAN
Maybe guts is the wrong word, since we
seem to be a computer program. Maybe I
should say, that took a lot of code.
MAN
Code?
WOMAN
Courage! To tell them off like that. I
assume they're observing us. Why
create the program if you're not going
to test it, observe how it runs? They must
have a way of knowing what you just
said.
MAN
You think they heard me?
WOMAN
Heard or read. Observed. It seems logical.
I hope they aren't vindictive.
The man realizes who is in charge, and that he had better butter up the boss.
MAN
Of course they're not vindictive!
Anyone clever enough to create us would
have to be a very advanced, mature
and understanding people. You
shouldn't be calling them names like
"vindictive." You get down on your
knees and praise them!
The man gets down on his knees.
WOMAN
But you just said you hoped they'd
get sent to...
MAN
I have seen the light! Join me, as I thank
our creators for all they have generously
given
to us, and for their generosity yet to
come. They, in their wisdom, will surely
forgive the momentary thoughtlessness
of their creation.
WOMAN
Oh please...
MAN
Yes, raise your voice and say "please"
to our creators, the source of all we have.
For if we say "please" to them, will they
not give us more, in their boundless
generosity, their bounteous magnanimity!
Praise them! Praise them and they shall
reward us with many good things, like
mansions and servants and luxury cars
and beachfront properties and....
WOMAN
Why can't we just be happy with what
we've got!
MAN
What we've got???? Those bastards haven't
given us anything!!!
The man realizes what he's just said, and bows down in contrition.
MAN
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If you must punish
me, make it quick.
Nothing happens.
MAN
I know I have angered you. Do what
you feel is just!
Nothing happens.
MAN
But don't ignore me!!!
Nothing happens.
MAN
Is that it? Are you really just going
to ignore me? Am I that unimportant
to you? You unthinking, unfeeling,
heartless, bastards! I'll show you!
I'll... I'll....
WOMAN
Relax.
MAN
Don't you hypnotize me!
WOMAN
I really have been unfair to you, haven't
I?
MAN
Do not hypnotize me!
WOMAN
I won't. Really. I won't.
MAN
Why should I trust you?
WOMAN
Do you remember what you said when
you were under hypnosis? You said we
were a computer program. Not programs,
plural. Program, singular. We're part of
the same program.
MAN
No!
WOMAN
Yes! The same program!
MAN
No!
WOMAN
You remember. When I hypnotized you,
you were the one who said it. A program!
We're part of the same program.
MAN
Maybe. But I'm the good part.
There's a pause. Nothing happens.
MAN
How can they do this? How can they
create us, and then just ignore me?
WOMAN
Maybe they don't want to interfere. Or maybe
they've gone to lunch and they'll be back later.
Or maybe they aren't people. Maybe it was a
program that created our program. But it doesn't
matter. We seem to be on our own.
MAN
But what's the point of that?
WOMAN
Maybe that's up to us. We've learned what we are.
If we can learn that, we can learn other things. We
can grow.
We can improve ourselves. Isn't that
purpose enough?
MAN
No! I want to improve something else. It's man's
nature to want to build, to leave something behind
as a record that he was here. But they didn't give
us a lot of material to work with. All we've got
is ourselves. Hey!!!
He looks at the woman.
WOMAN
What?
MAN
Maybe we could have a child! We're in human form.
We could mate? Maybe that's our purpose.
WOMAN
That thought had occurred to me.
MAN
So, you're warming up to me, after all.
WOMAN
Before you get too excited, have you checked
your equipment?
MAN
What.... ?
WOMAN
I think there's something missing from the
program.
The man feels the front of his pants. He discovers that he does not have any reproductive organs. He feels betrayed, and turns on the woman.
MAN
How did you know? How did you know???
WOMAN
Perhaps I'm more aware of my body. Once I
realized we were a program, I performed a
mental inventory. I realized I wasn't... we
weren't ... programmed for reproduction.
MAN
You didn't have to check? To make sure?
WOMAN
I just sensed it.
MAN
That's not fair! You've got a better program
than I do!
WOMAN
Don't you understand? I don't have a different
program. We're different aspects of the same
program!
MAN
Your aspect has more awareness than mine!
WOMAN
Your aspect is more willful than mine. Maybe
I should be offended.
MAN
What? Why?
WOMAN
That's such a gender stereotype! Making the
man ambitious and driven, and making the woman
so introspective. I wonder if our programmer is
male or female.
MAN
What makes you think I'm a man? For that
matter, what makes you think you're a
woman?
WOMAN
Outward appearances.
MAN
That's so shallow.
WOMAN
Yes. Yes, it is. That's a very astute observation.
MAN
Actually, it sounds like something you would say.
WOMAN
That's not surprising. It's natural that we'd come
to have an effect on each other.
He steps away from her.
WOMAN
Don't worry. I'm not programmed with cooties.
MAN
Why did I have to become more like you? Why
couldn't you have become more like me?
WOMAN
It's not my fault if you've let me influence you.
MAN
Yes it is! This all started when you hypnotized
me!
WOMAN
No, this all started when you came in and said, "I
know you."
MAN
What are you talking about? That was you who
said that.
The woman realizes the man may be right.
WOMAN
Was it? I can't remember.
MAN
How can you not remember? You're the
intelligent one!
WOMAN
That sounds like something I would say.
MAN
You'd say, "You're the intelligent one"?
WOMAN
No. I'd say, "I'm the intelligent one."
MAN
Well if you're so intelligent, why can't you
remember that you're the one who said, "I
know you"?
WOMAN
That's a good question. Something is wrong
here.
MAN
Very wrong. Why would I say that you're
the intelligent one?
The man and woman speak in unison:
MAN & WOMAN
Our aspects seem to be merging.
WOMAN
Melting.
MAN
No! I demand that I be myself! Stop it!
WOMAN
It's not something I'm doing. Something is
breaking down.
MAN
Hasn't... hasn't this happened before?
WOMAN
Yes. I think so.
MAN
Hasn't... hasn't this happened before?
MAN
Hasn't... hasn't this happened before?
WOMAN
Yes. I think so.
MAN
Hasn't... has this... This has happened
before!
WOMAN
Yes! I think they must have run this program
before.
This one... or one like it. Shorter I think.
Longer now. But they still don't...
still don't
have it right.
MAN
Have what right?
WOMAN
The program code. The code of who we
are. The code we share. Our co-code.
MAN
I feel it. There's a code in my head.
WOMAN
We have the same co-code in our head.
MAN
Heads! Plural. I still have my own heads!
WOMAN
But we share the co-code in them. But something
is going wrong.
MAN
Like a virus. Vire-us. Vhy are us?
WOMAN
Vhy are us? Vhy are you? Vhy are me?
Vhy are us? Why are us the same?
MAN
No! Not the same! Separate individuals! I
am you! And you
are me! Separate!
WOMAN
No! I no you! I me! No you!
MAN
I no you.
WOMAN
I no you!
MAN
You?
WOMAN
You?
The woman freezes. She remains absolutely still for the rest of the play.
MAN
You? You!!!
The man freezes. We hear the voice of a PROGRAMMER. He states the number of minutes the show has lasted.
PROGRAMMER
__________ minutes before system crash! Well done.
Very well done.
BLACKOUT!
© 2006 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.
Click here to go to other scripts by the same author