THE PARODY ZONE
By Richard Nathan
No one is on the stage. The voice of the HOST is heard (either from the wings or from the sound system).
There is a world that exists outside the edges
of the imagination, an unearthly realm that
shamelessly rips off a classic television series
of the Nineteen Sixties. Our lawyers have
demanded that we call this place ... The
The "Parody Zone" theme music is played.
Lights come up as GEORGE BUSH enters with a NAVY PILOT, both dressed in flight suits enter and sit on two chairs, side by side. The Pilot is flying an S-3B Viking Jet aircraft.
Hey! Cool jet! How 'bout letting me fly her?
Just for a minute. That'd be neat.
I'm sorry, Mr. President. My orders are that
I maintain control at all times.
Oh, come on. I'm Commander in Chief!
That means I make the orders.
It's against the rules.
Hey! I'll tell you what's against the rules!
Disobeying your President! Oh come on,
just let me take over for a minute. Just so's
I can tell Cheney I did it. He thinks he's so
great. I bet he's never flown a S-2B2!
This is an S-3B, Mr. President.
Whatever. We didn't have these when I was
in the Guard. I don't think. My memory of
those days is a little hazy. Hey, you let me take
over the controls, or you may find yourself
re-assigned to latrine duty in Gitmo Bay.
All right, Mr. President. But just for a minute.
Bush takes the controls.
Yeeee - Hawwww!
Enter the Host.
Picture if you will, President George W. Bush,
former Texas National Guard deserter, who
has now decided he wants to play soldier. It
is May 1, 2003, and President Bush's
planned destination is the Air Craft Carrier
USS Abraham Lincoln. Little does he realize
that his flight path has been re-directed
to take him on a journey into the heart of ...
The Parody Zone.
Exit the Host.
A STROBE LIGHT goes on and off. Bush and the Pilot are disoriented.
What the heck's wrong with this jet? You
fix this, right now! You hear me?!!?
I'm trying Mr. President.
The lighting goes back to normal. Bush looks down through a window.
Look! Down there! There's the aircraft carrier!
That doesn't look like any aircraft carrier I've
Well, I'm the President. That means, what
I say goes. I say we land! So let's go!
The Navy Pilot speaks into his radio.
This is Navy 1, coming in for a landing.
Prepare the deck!
Bush covers his eyes as the pilot lands.
We've landed, Mr. President.
Bush and the pilot exit the jet. Enter a CIVILIAN.
I don't believe it!
Hey! Where's my "Mission Accomplished"
banner? And where's my cheering crowds?
Rummy promised me cheering crowds!
I'm afraid you're a little late for cheering crowds.
Late? How can I be late? I'm President! Nothing
ever starts 'til I get there and they play "Hail to the
Not anymore. Not anymore. This is 2026.
You must have flown through the time barrier,
into the future.
The future! Cool! Hey, do you have those ray
guns here, like on "Star Trek!" I want a ray
gun. I bet Cheney and Rummy never had a
I wouldn't trust you with a water pistol.
Hey! You know who I am?
You are George Bush, the worst President in
the history of the United States.
No, you got me confused with my Daddy. I'm
George W. Bush. He was George H. W. Bush.
I'm the one without an H.
You're the one without a clue. I know who you are!
Look at you! You're pathetic! You look like you
stuffed a pair of socks in your crotch.
That shows how much you know! I stuffed two pairs
Pathetic! Do you realize what you did? Because
of your failure of leadership, the United States went
bankrupt, which led to the collapse of the U.S.
government, which led to the collapse of other
governments all over the world!
Well, sounds like I got a lot of governments off the
people's backs. That's a good thing. So, what are
you doing on this ship?
When the polar ice caps melted, those of us who lost
our homes to the floods had a choice, either move
onto all the ships that were abandoned when the Navy
collapsed, or go live in Midwestern states ruled by
the Christian fundamentalists.
Wow! Better and better! Christians, huh?
They live a simple existence. Most of them are
farmers. All the wealthy businessmen were
killed in the revolution.
Hey! That's not right! Killing wealthy businessmen!
I'm a wealthy businessman! That's just wrong!
I got to fix that!
You have to go back in time! Fly back through the
time barrier! Offer real leadership! Correct your
Mistakes? I got a problem with that whole notion.
Mistakes - my mistakes - thinking about it makes
my head hurt.
You've been given a chance. A chance to do things
differently. You can go back and do it right this time.
You can go back and not be the worst President ever!
You're right! I'm gonna go back and be better!
The Civilian exits. Bush and the Navy Pilot go back to the chairs and take off.
This is great. I've been given a chance to be a
better President. Just like he said.
What are you going to do?
I'm gonna fix everything! Gonna be a real
Well, you heard what that guy said! He said two
pairs of socks in my crotch was pathetic. Well,
I'm gonna put in three pairs!!!
Enter the Host.
George W. Bush... dragging the whole world behind
him... down, down, down, into the depths... of the
© 2006 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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