THE PARODY ZONE 3
By Richard Nathan
No one is on the stage. The voice of the HOST is heard (either from the wings or from the sound system).
HOST
(off-stage)
There is a world that exists outside the edges
of the imagination, an unearthly realm that
shamelessly rips off a classic television series
of the Nineteen Sixties. Our lawyers have
demanded that we call this place ... The
Parody Zone.
The "Parody Zone" theme music is played as the host exits.
Lights come up on the Oval Office. GEORGE BUSH sits in a chair, looking depressed. Enter DICK CHENEY.
CHENEY
George, we've got a problem.
BUSH
No kidding. Lately I feel like everywhere I
look there's some problem looking back at me.
I don't get it, Dick. What's the point in being
President if I keep having all these problems?
CHENEY
We've only got one problem, George. You!
BUSH
Hey, don't you start in on me! I'm still top
man here. I'm still the head cheese!
CHENEY
Then start acting like it! I swear, you used
to look as happy as Ronnie Reagan. But
these days, you look as depressed as Jimmy
Carter. People don't like a moper, George.
And they're starting not to like you.
BUSH
Aw, you sound like Laura.
CHENEY
It's time to buck up, George. Smile, smile,
smile!!! That's what people want to see.
A happy president. What have you got to
be depressed about?
BUSH
I don't know. The war, maybe? I'm not sure
the war's really been going as well as I've been
saying it's been going. It's not like it was at the
beginning, when we'd just bomb everything and
watch the explosions on television.
CHENEY
Those were good times, George.
BUSH
Now we're supposed to be helping people. We
can't just kill them. We have to kill some and
help some others. And no one knows who to kill
and who to help. It's gotten all complicated!
CHENEY
You just leave all that part to me, George. I'll do the
hard stuff. You just smile. That's what you do
best, George. Smile, smile, smile!
BUSH
How, Dick? How do I make myself smile?
CHENEY
Well, . . . think of something that makes you
happy, George. What's the happiest you've
ever been? What was your all time favorite
thing to do?
BUSH
My all time favorite thing? I guess.... I
guess it was when I was a boy, back in
Midland, Texas. I remember, after it would
rain hard, and everything was all shiny wet and
bright, and the frogs would all come out to
play, and my friends and me, we'd run
after those frogs, laughing and hollering,
and when we caught one, it would croak and
wriggle in our hands, it tickled when it did that...
and
then we'd stuff it with a lit firecracker
and throw it in the air and watch it explode!
That's what made me happy, Dick. And
that's what I miss most! Exploding frogs
with firecrackers!
Enter the HOST. Bush and Cheney freeze while the Host is on stage.
HOST
Meet George W. Bush, current President
of the United States and former exploder
of frogs. George W. Bush, longing to
find his way back to his boyhood in Texas, but
instead about to find his way ... into the
Parody Zone.
Exit the Host. Bush and Cheney resume their conversation.
CHENEY
Hell, George. You're President. You can
can have all the exploding frogs you want.
Do whatever it takes, but you better start
smiling again. That's your job, George!
It isn't hard! Just smile, smile, smile!
Cheney exits.
BUSH
I wish it was that easy.
Enter a DEVIL.
DEVIL
What makes you think it's not?
BUSH
Hey! Who're you? How'd you get in here?
DEVIL
Let's just say I'm a friend of the Vice
President's.
BUSH
You mean... You're from Halliburton.
DEVIL
I'm from Hell-iburton!
BUSH
You're the Devil? Hey, I'm a follower of Jesus!
DEVIL
Jesus? The one who told his followers to
give everything you own to the poor? Who said,
"Turn the other cheek?" Who said, "Blessed are
the peacemakers?"
BUSH
When you put it that way, he sounds like a
Democrat.
DEVIL
Face it, George. You're on my side. You've
always been on my side. And I've
come to reward you. I've come to fulfill
your dream!
BUSH
You mean, you're going to take me back to
Midland, Texas, and the exploding frogs!
DEVIL
That's exactly what I'm going to do, George!
Back to the exploding frogs!
BUSH
And I don't have to give you my soul or anything?
DEVIL
You've already paid for this trip, George! I've
just come to give you the reward you so richly
deserve!
BUSH
Well let's go! Time's a-wasting!
The Devil gestures. The lights swirl on and off as the Devil backs off-stage. The lights stop swirling. Bush looks around and is delighted by what he sees. He almost swoons. He sits down on the stage.
BUSH
I'm back! Back in Texas, after a rainstorm!
Listen to all the frogs croaking! Dick was
right! It's easy to smile! Huh! Boy, that
grass is high! Hey, it looks like it's getting
higher! What's going on here? Hey,
that grass is as high as me.
Bush's voice starts to get deep and rough. It's becoming a croaking sound. Bush starts moving into the position of a frog.
BUSH
Why do I feel so funny? And cold? Hey! My
skin! My skin is all green! What's going on?
Why do I feel like eating flies? Hey! What's that
shadow? Big! Blotting out the sun! It's a giant!
A giant kid! No! Kid! Get away from me!
Get away from me with that firecracker! I'm
the President of the United States!!! Ahhhh!!!
Enter the Host! Bush freezes!
HOST
George W. Bush, playing a part in a rerun of
his childhood dream, but not the part he
expected. Wishes have a way of coming
true in
unexpected ways, and tables have
a way of turning, and nowhere is that as
true ... as in the Parody
Zone!
BLACKOUT!
THE END
© 2006 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.
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