THE PARODY ZONE 3

                                                                                        By Richard Nathan

No one is on the stage.  The voice of the HOST is heard (either from the wings or from the sound system).

                                                            HOST
                                                    (off-stage)
                                    There is a world that exists outside the edges
                                    of the imagination, an unearthly realm that 
                                    shamelessly rips off a classic television series 
                                    of the Nineteen Sixties.  Our lawyers have
                                    demanded that we call this place ... The
                                    Parody Zone. 

The "Parody Zone" theme music is played as the host exits.

Lights come up on the Oval Office. GEORGE BUSH sits in a chair, looking depressed.  Enter DICK CHENEY.

                                                            CHENEY
                                    George, we've got a problem.

                                                            BUSH
                                    No kidding.  Lately I feel like everywhere I  
                                    look there's some problem looking back at me.   
                                    I don't get it, Dick.  What's the point in being
                                    President if I keep having all these problems?

                                                            CHENEY
                                    We've only got one problem, George.  You!

                                                            BUSH
                                    Hey, don't you start in on me!   I'm still top
                                    man here.  I'm still the head cheese!

                                                            CHENEY
                                    Then start acting like it!  I swear, you used
                                    to look as happy as Ronnie Reagan.  But
                                    these days, you look as depressed as Jimmy
                                    Carter.  People don't like a moper, George. 
                                    And they're starting not to like you.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Aw, you sound like Laura.  

                                                            CHENEY
                                    It's time to buck up, George.  Smile, smile,
                                    smile!!!  That's what people want to see. 
                                    A happy president.  What have you got to
                                    be depressed about?

                                                            BUSH
                                    I don't know.  The war, maybe?  I'm not sure
                                    the war's really been going as well as I've been
                                    saying it's been going.  It's not like it was at the
                                    beginning, when we'd  just bomb everything and
                                    watch the explosions on television.

                                                            CHENEY
                                    Those were good times, George.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Now we're supposed to be helping people.  We
                                    can't just kill them.  We have to kill some and
                                    help some others.  And no one knows who to kill 
                                    and who to help.  It's gotten all complicated! 

                                                            CHENEY
                                    You just leave all that part to me, George.  I'll do the
                                    hard stuff.  You just smile.   That's what you do
                                    best, George.  Smile, smile, smile!

                                                            BUSH
                                    How, Dick?  How do I make myself smile?

                                                            CHENEY
                                    Well, . . . think of something that makes you 
                                    happy, George.  What's the happiest you've 
                                    ever been?  What was your all time favorite
                                    thing to do? 

                                                            BUSH
                                    My all time favorite thing?  I guess....  I
                                    guess it was when I was a boy, back in
                                    Midland, Texas.  I remember, after it would
                                    rain hard, and everything was all shiny wet and
                                    bright, and the frogs would all come out to
                                    play, and my friends and me, we'd run
                                    after those frogs, laughing and hollering,
                                    and when we caught one, it would croak and
                                    wriggle in our hands, it tickled when it did that...
                                    and then we'd stuff it with a lit firecracker
                                    and throw it in the air and watch it explode! 
                                    That's what made me happy, Dick.  And
                                    that's what I miss most!  Exploding frogs
                                    with firecrackers!

Enter the HOST.  Bush and Cheney freeze while the Host is on stage.

                                                        HOST
                                    Meet George W. Bush, current President
                                    of the United States and former exploder
                                    of frogs.  George W. Bush, longing to
                                    find his way back to his boyhood in Texas, but
                                    instead about to find his way ... into the
                                    Parody Zone.

Exit the Host.  Bush and Cheney resume their conversation.

                                                    CHENEY
                                    Hell, George.  You're President.  You can
                                    can have all the exploding frogs you want.   
                                    Do whatever it takes, but you better start
                                    smiling again.   That's your job, George!
                                    It isn't hard!  Just smile, smile, smile!

Cheney exits.

                                                    BUSH
                                    I wish it was that easy.

Enter a DEVIL.

                                                    DEVIL
                                    What makes you think it's not?

                                                    BUSH
                                    Hey!  Who're you?  How'd you get in here? 

                                                    DEVIL
                                    Let's just say I'm a friend of the Vice
                                    President's. 

                                                    BUSH
                                    You mean...  You're from Halliburton.

                                                    DEVIL
                                    I'm from Hell-iburton! 

                                                    BUSH
                                    You're the Devil?  Hey, I'm a follower of Jesus!

                                                    DEVIL
                                    Jesus?  The one who told his followers to
                                    give everything you own to the poor?   Who said, 
                                    "Turn the other cheek?"  Who said, "Blessed are 
                                    the peacemakers?"

                                                    BUSH
                                    When you put it that way, he sounds like a
                                    Democrat.

                                                    DEVIL
                                    Face it, George.  You're on my side.  You've
                                    always been on my side.  And I've
                                    come to reward you.  I've come to fulfill
                                    your dream!

                                                    BUSH
                                    You mean, you're going to take me back to
                                    Midland, Texas, and the exploding frogs!

                                                    DEVIL
                                    That's exactly what I'm going to do, George! 
                                    Back to the exploding frogs!

                                                    BUSH
                                    And I don't have to give you my soul or anything?

                                                    DEVIL
                                    You've already paid for this trip, George!  I've
                                    just come to give you the reward you so richly
                                    deserve!

                                                    BUSH
                                    Well let's go!  Time's a-wasting!

The Devil gestures.  The lights swirl on and off as the Devil backs off-stage.  The lights stop swirling.  Bush looks around and is delighted by what he sees.  He almost swoons.  He sits down on the stage.

                                                    BUSH
                                    I'm back!  Back in Texas, after a rainstorm! 
                                    Listen to all the frogs croaking!  Dick was
                                    right!  It's easy to smile!  Huh!  Boy, that
                                    grass is high!  Hey, it looks like it's getting
                                    higher!  What's going on here?  Hey,
                                    that grass is as high as me. 

Bush's voice starts to get deep and rough.  It's becoming a croaking sound.  Bush starts moving into the position of a frog.

                                                        BUSH
                                    Why do I feel so funny?  And cold?  Hey!  My
                                    skin!  My skin is all green!  What's going on? 
                                    Why do I feel like eating flies?  Hey!  What's that
                                    shadow?  Big!  Blotting out the sun!  It's a giant! 
                                    A giant kid!  No!  Kid!  Get away from me!  
                                    Get away from me with that firecracker!  I'm
                                    the President of the United States!!!  Ahhhh!!!

Enter the Host!  Bush freezes!

                                                            HOST
                                    George W. Bush, playing a part in a rerun of
                                    his childhood dream, but not the part he
                                    expected.  Wishes have a way of coming
                                    true in unexpected ways, and tables have 
                                    a way of turning, and nowhere is that as
                                    true ... as in the Parody Zone!
 

BLACKOUT!


        THE END

2006 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.

 

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