playhouse

	PLAYHOUSE
	OF THE
	DAMNED

Introduction
Gus The Ghoul: Welcome to The Playhouse of the Damned. This is the Playhouse. Guess who is the damned. Here's a hint. In just a few minutes, you'll find yourself agreeing with hundreds of theater-goers who have attended our Playhouse and said, "I'll be damned if I'm going to sit through any more of this!" ....

My Brother's Keeper
Gus The Ghoul: Do you ever worry about losing your sanity? If so, please check the lost and found in our lobby. If you can't find your sanity there, you can probably find mine! And if you've never worried about losing your sanity, don't be concerned. Our show is just getting started! ...

Trick Or Treat
Gus The Ghoul: Our next story takes place in the house of Miss Hamilton on Halloween night. Last Halloween I went trick-or-treating... down at the mortuary, but they wouldn't give me a single bite to eat. So I soaped all their windows. They didn't like that. Morticians have no sense of humor. Everything about morticians is so formal. Formal dress, formal manners, fomal-dehyde. ...

Interruption
Gus The Ghoul: I’m sure you’ll appreciate our next story. It grows on you… just like a wart. I always liked warts, so I gruesome! ....

Lady Of The Night
Gus The Ghoul: You know, money can't buy love. On the other hand, love can't buy you a ticket to "The Playhouse Of The Damned." Our next story is about a man in search of love, and what happens when the girl of his dreams turns out to be the girl of his screams. It's called "A Lady Of The Night." ....

Frankenstein
Gus The Ghoul: You all have probably heard of the old plantation master. Here's the story of the old transplantation master; that famous doctor who had not patients, so he built himself one. Yes, he built a man from scratch. And you know what you get when you build a man from scratch, don't you? You get a son of an itch. ....

Pieces of Bait
Gus The Ghoul: The next tale is really scaly! That’s because it’s about deep sea fishing. And someone is going to get gilled. ....

Holy Smoke
Gus The Ghoul: The next story is about a cat. It's not a panther, but it is bad luck.....

The Writer
Gus The Ghoul: Our next story features two of the most repulsive types to be found in the entire realm of horror.... a writer and a publisher. ...

Séance You Went Away
Gus The Ghoul: Our next story is about a séance. It's not a factual story. It's séance fiction ...

Swans
Gus The Ghoul: Now here’s something that is truly for the birds. It’s called “Swans.” ....

My Ax-Girlfriend
Gus the Ghoul: Our next story is about my kind of gal, an ax-murderess. I think you'll agree it's keen, with cutting humor, and a really sharp ending.

Santa Claus
Gus The Ghoul: Now for something really frightening! Picture a strange old man with mystic powers which enable him to spy on anyone, in any hiding place, at any hour.... an old man who breaks into houses in the dead of night, who no lock can keep out.... picture an old man named "Santa Claus." ....

Dr. Jekyll And His Bride
Gus The Ghoul: Next we have a story in a very different vein. A romantic tale that really pulls at the heartstrings. Have I told you how much I like to pull on heartstrings?

Danny Boy
Gus The Ghoul: Playhouse of the Damned is proud to present one of my favorite songs: Danny Boy.

Dreading the Wedding
Gus the Ghoul: Our next story is all about wedded bliss... ters.

The Rocket's Dead Scare
Gus the Ghoul: Our next story is about the Fourth of July. You’ll get a big bang out of it. And if by some weird chance you don’t like it, would you say you did anyway? Would j’you lie for me? Would j’you? J’you lie for me? July Four? You may not like listening to it, but I have to say it!

Road Kill
Gus the Ghoul: Our next story is all about the delights of being on the road again. And you know what you generally find on the road again? Road kill! Which happens to be the title of our next piece. So please enjoy this piece of “Road Kill. “

Sick Daze
Gus the Ghoul: You’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, unless you get absolutely all of the bloodstains out.

A Walk In The Dark
Gus the Ghoul: Around Halloween, a lot of enterprising people set up “haunted house” attractions. For twenty bucks or so, a kid can stumble around in the dark where maniacs scream at him. Then the kid can go home, tell his parents what he spent his money on, and have them scream at him for free. Our next story is about a Halloween “haunted house” attraction. It’s called, “A Walk In The Dark.”

Feast of the Vampires
Gus the Ghoul: Are you hungry for more? Or are you completely fed up? Do you have a taste for horror - or do you have no taste at all? You must have come here for some reason. Maybe you were hoping for something like our next story, which we call “The Feast of the Vampires.

A Dybbuk For Chanukah
Gus the Ghoul: When the year draws to a close, and the holidays approach, here at the Playhouse of the Damned, our thoughts turn to our families. For it thoughts of our families can’t inspire nightmares, what can?

Frights! Camera! Action!
Gus The Ghoul: Do you like scary movies? Horrible, frightening films that make you jump right out of your seat, screaming in terror? You do? Then why don't you go see a scary movie, instead of wasting your time with this garbage? Garbage, like our next story about a man who directs horror films. ....

Surgery, Slice And Everything Nice!
Gus The Ghoul: Do you feel at ease with your doctor? Are you willing to put your glands in his hands?

Bat on a Hot Tin Spoof
Gus the Ghoul: Of all the evil beings that trod the earth, there are few as loathsome and despicable as those who steal the work of their betters and cheapen it for vile and selfish reasons. Not surprisingly, here at Playhouse of the Damned, we are loathsome and despicable enough to do just that.

The Rain
Gus The Ghoul: Into each life some rain must fall. And don't expect to get a break if you're dead!

Blackout!
Gus The Ghoul: Are you afraid of dark? Are you afraid of the darkness in your soul? Or are you afraid of the darkness in the soul of the homicidal maniac sitting next to you?

Curtain Speech
Gus The Ghoul: I could go on with these jokes all night! But now comes the moment you've all been waiting for... the end of our play. ...

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