By Richard Nathan
On a typical television news analysis show, two pundits (CASPER MILQUETOAST and ATTILA D. HUN) are discussing the re-election of George Bush.
I'm Casper Milquetoast on the left...
And I'm Attila D. Hun on the right, and we're here
to discuss the triumphant re-election of President
George W. Bush. Casper, I think even you would
have to agree this election means the death of the
Democratic Party, right?
I don't know. Wasn't the election sort of close?
Maybe, but look who the Republicans ran! A man
who is losing the war in Iraq, who has economic
policies are bankrupting the nation, and who is not
quite as articulate as Homer Simpson! We're
talking about George W. Bush here! A squeaker
loss to George Bush is the equivalent of a landslide
loss to a decent candidate
I thought you liked George Bush.
Compared with Democrats, he's tops. Which is my
whole point. The only one who could have lost to
Bush is a Democrat. This proves beyond any reasonable
doubt American hate the policies of the Democrats. All
that talk about peace, medical care for everyone, taxing
the rich, toleration of homosexuals, belief in evolution, --
Americans hate that stuff!
So what do you suggest the Democrats should have
They should have nominated George Bush for
You mean someone like George Bush, right?
No, I mean George Bush. Why nominate someone
like the Republican candidate, when you can nominate
the actual Republican candidate? I'll tell you what the
Democrats had better do. Next time there's an
election, they should take whoever the Republicans
nominate, and nominate him as the Democratic
candidate too. That's the only home they have of
coming back to life.
But don't people deserve a choice?
Sure, a choice between George Bush the Republican
and George Bush the Democrat. Listen, Casper, I'm
trying to help you here. I'm trying to tell you how to
save your party!
I suppose that makes sense. But wouldn't that encourage
people like Ralph Nader to go to a third party?
Not if you're tough. You've got to warn people that
the election is too important for them to throw away
their votes on a third party. They have to vote for
George Bush or George Bush to make their voices
You've convinced me! This is Casper Milquetoast for
George Bush the Democrat -
And this is Attila D. Hun for George Bush the Republican -
CASPER & ATTILA
And this has been Cross-Wired!
© 2004 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
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