FIXING SOCIAL SECURITY!
By Richard Nathan
George W. Bush speaks to the nation.
Folks, hereís my plan to save Social Security. You
see, right now Social Security takes in more money
than it pays out. Some people will try to tell you
that extra money will be there when the baby boomers
retire. But the truth is, the government is spending it all
on deficits! Deficits for things like making new laws to
regulate businesses and take away their precious freedoms
and paying for schools to teach evolution and other
radical liberal values. You canít trust the government with
finances! Richard Nixon told us that. Ronald Reagan told
us that. My daddy told us that. Republicans know you canít
trust government with finances! Which is why you have to
trust me to save social security. You see, starting around
2018 or so, Social Security will stop running a profit. It
will spend more than it takes in. Well, Iím an expert on
what to do when the government spends more than it takes in.
The answer is simple, you cut taxes. You get people to
contribute less to the social security fund, and put their
savings into personal accounts! Give social security less money
and that will cure the social security deficit, the same as
cutting taxes will cure the government's deficit. Itís a proven
fact that every time the government cuts taxes, business
grows so much that the government takes more revenues
than before. Thatís a true fact youíll find all over the Internets.
So if less taxes means more funds for the government, that
means if I lower the tax rates to near zero, Iíll have more money than the
government has ever had before! In fact, I should probably
lower the rates all the way to zero, and I'll have more money
than I know what to do with! Not only will I save
Social Security, Iíll have enough left over to invade Iran,
North Korea, and Syria. Cut taxes; it works every time!
See itís a bit like the old method of curing sick people our
founding fathers used. If someone was sick, the doctors
bled the patient. The doctors bled George Washington
four times when he was on his death bed. They would
have bled him more, but he died before they could more
blood out. Who knows, if he hadn't died, taking out that
extra blood might have saved him! And if bleeding was
good enough for George Washington, I figure itís good
enough for Social Security. By the time weíre done,
it will either be healthy or it will be dead, but at least it
wonít be sick anymore. Which leads me to my next
program Ė fixing Medicaid. They say that Medicaid is
running out of money even faster than Social Security.
I believe the answer is the same Ė less taxes and more
freedom! Freedom to choose cheaper, alternative forms
of medicine. Some folks may choose bleeders. Others
may choose faith healers. You know, according to the
Book of Matthew, our Lord Jesus Christ gave his
disciples the power to cure all manner of disease.
Democrats may doubt the word of the Bible, they may
want to give all our money to doctors to treat the poor Ė
but did you ever know a doctor who could raise the
dead? Jesus said to his disciples, ďHeal the sick,
cleanse the leper, raise the dead, cast out devils; freely
you have received; freely give.Ē Book of Matthew,
Chapter 10, Verse 7. The Democrats don't like faith
based healing; I guess they don't want poor dead folks
to be raised. And for free! That's what the Bible says,
"freely give." Now you all know Iím a good Christian.
I donít doubt the Holy Word. But I admit I was
| surprised Jesus would tell his followers to heal the
dead for free. Sounds a little like socialized
medicine, and I know Jesus wouldn't want that.
But then I thought, it must be like taxes: you lower
the tax rates, and you take in more money! So
follow me, and stop giving money to the government
for Social Security! Itís what Jesus would have wanted!
© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
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