FIXING SOCIAL SECURITY!

                                                                                        By Richard Nathan

 

George W. Bush speaks to the nation.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Folks, hereís my plan to save Social Security.  You 
                                    see, right now Social Security takes in more money
                                    than it pays out.  Some people will try to tell you
                                    that extra money will be there when the baby boomers
                                    retire.  But the truth is, the government is spending it all   
                                    on deficits!  Deficits for things like making new laws to
                                    regulate businesses and take away their precious freedoms   
                                    and paying for schools to teach evolution and other
                                    radical liberal values.  You canít trust the government with
                                    finances!  Richard Nixon told us that.  Ronald Reagan told
                                    us that.  My daddy told us that.  Republicans know you canít
                                    trust government with finances!  Which is why you have to
                                    trust me to save social security.  You see, starting around
                                    2018 or so, Social Security will stop running a profit.  It
                                    will spend more than it takes in.  Well, Iím an expert on
                                    what to do when the government spends more than it takes in. 
                                    The answer is simple, you cut taxes.  You get people to
                                    contribute less to the social security fund, and put their
                                    savings into personal accounts!  Give social security less money
                                    and that will cure the social security deficit, the same as
                                    cutting taxes will cure the government's deficit.  Itís a proven
                                    fact that every time the government cuts taxes, business
                                    grows so much that the government takes more revenues
                                    than before.  Thatís a true fact youíll find all over the Internets. 
                                    So if less taxes means more funds for the government, that
                                    means if I lower the tax rates to near zero, Iíll have more money than the
                                    government has ever had before!  In fact, I should probably
                                    lower the rates all the way to zero, and I'll have more money
                                    than I know what to do with!  Not only will I save
                                    Social Security, Iíll have enough left over to invade Iran,
                                    North Korea, and Syria.  Cut taxes; it works every time! 
                                    See itís a bit like the old method of curing sick people our
                                    founding fathers used.  If someone was sick, the doctors
                                    bled the patient.  The doctors bled George Washington
                                    four times when he was on his death bed.  They would
                                    have bled him more, but he died before they could more
                                    blood out.  Who knows, if he hadn't died, taking out that
                                    extra blood might have saved him!  And if bleeding was
                                    good enough for George Washington, I figure itís good
                                    enough for Social Security.  By the time weíre done,
                                    it will either be healthy or it will be dead, but at least it
                                    wonít be sick anymore.  Which leads me to my next
                                    program Ė fixing Medicaid.  They say that Medicaid is
                                    running out of money even faster than Social Security. 
                                    I believe the answer is the same Ė less taxes and more
                                    freedom!  Freedom to choose cheaper, alternative forms
                                    of medicine.  Some folks may choose bleeders.  Others
                                    may choose faith healers.  You know, according to the
                                    Book of Matthew, our Lord Jesus Christ gave his
                                    disciples the power to cure all manner of disease. 
                                    Democrats may doubt the word of the Bible, they may
                                    want to give all our money to doctors to treat the poor Ė
                                    but did you ever know a doctor who could raise the
                                    dead?  Jesus said to his disciples, ďHeal the sick,
                                    cleanse the leper, raise the dead, cast out devils; freely
                                    you have received; freely give.Ē  Book of Matthew,
                                    Chapter 10, Verse 7.  The Democrats don't like faith
                                    based healing; I guess they don't want poor dead folks
                                    to be raised.  And for free!  That's what the Bible says,
                                    "freely give."  Now you all know Iím a good Christian. 
                                    I donít doubt the Holy Word.  But I admit I was
|                                    surprised Jesus would tell his followers to heal the
                                    dead for free.  Sounds a little like socialized
                                    medicine, and I know Jesus wouldn't want that. 
                                    But then I thought, it must be like taxes:  you lower
                                    the tax rates, and you take in more money!  So 
                                    follow me, and stop giving money to the government
                                    for Social Security!  Itís what Jesus would have wanted!


        THE END

© 2005 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.

 

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