STAN STARBURST . . . BEYOND THE STRATOSPHERE!!!
by Richard Nathan
ACT
I
The
house lights go out and a slide is projected against a scrim.
It reads: "STAN
STARBURST . . . BEYOND THE STRATOSPHERE!!!"
Wagner’s Prelude To Act III of LOHENGRIN is played as a new slide is
projected, which reads: "CHAPTER 1. INVASION FROM OUTER SPACE."
The slide dims out, and a few pieces of two-dimensional makeshift scenery
are brought on to indicate the outdoors. A
couple of plywood trees will do.
The
sets, props and costumes for this show should reflect the penny-pinching
ingenuity of the old Saturday morning serial.
Very little money should be spent, but each cent should be spent wisely.
SCENE
ONE: LOOKOUT POINT
Lights
come up softly. It's a warm summer
night at Lookout Point, a spot for young lovers. Offstage, a car comes to a halt and two people get out.
Enter STAN STARBURST and BETTY COLLINS.
Both are dressed in white.
STAN
Here
we are, Betty. Lookout Point!
BETTY
Oh
Stan!
STAN
This
is probably my favorite spot on Earth. I
often come up here at night just to look up at the stars.
BETTY
The
stars! They're beautiful!
STAN
They’re
not half as beautiful as you are, Betty.
BETTY
You
don't mean that! You're just
flirting with me, Stan Starburst! All
the girls in my dorm warned me about you.
STAN
Oh,
those girls! What did they say?
BETTY
I'm
not sure I should tell you. It
might turn your head.
STAN
It
couldn't turn my head away from you. You're
the loveliest thing I've ever seen.
BETTY
Stan,
please!
STAN
Please
what? Please capture the universe
and lay it at your feet? I'd gladly
do that for you.
BETTY
You're
just saying that!
STAN
I
mean every word! How can I prove it
to you?
If all the stars in all the heavens were made of beauty instead of exploding
gases, they still couldn’t compete with you.
BETTY
Do
you rally mean that?
STAN
I
know I've got quite a reputation, and you probably think I've been around a lot
and things like that, but really, I'm just an ordinary, down-to-earth guy, . . .
and this is awfully hard for me to say, but . . . Betty, will you be my girl?
BETTY
Oh,
Stan!
She
kisses him. As they kiss, there's a
sharp whistling sound accompanied by a brilliant flash of light streaking across
the sky. STAN and BETTY look up.
STAN
Holy
cats! What was that?
BETTY
Just
a shooting star.
She
tries to pull him back for another kiss, but he's more interested in what he's
just seen.
STAN
Shooting
star nothing! That was a spaceship!
BETTY
Who
cares?
She
tries again, unsuccessfully, to pull him back for another kiss, but STAN spots
something!
STAN
Look!
There it is! And someone's getting out!
Two of them! We'd better
hide!
STAN
pulls BETTY behind one of the trees. Enter
two aliens, CAPTAIN KURTORTZ AND KROZZ.
KURTORTZ
Here
we are, Krozz. The planet Earth!
Krozz
takes a long look at the landscape, before he eventually reacts.
KROZZ
Yecchh!
KURTORTZ
You
don’t care for it?
KROZZ
You’ve
seen one backwards planet, you’ve seen them all.
KURTORTZ
I
think Emperor Korax will be pleased with it.
Look down at that valley. How
peaceful it looks. How quiet and
still. Hundreds of Earth-people lie
sleeping there, little dreaming that by this time tomorrow, they will all be
slaves.
KROZZ
It
will be a great victory for us, Captain Kurtortz.
KURTORTZ
Yes,
it will. All appears in readiness
for the invasion. Let us return to
Yorong and report to Emperor Korax.
STAN
Holy
cats! We can't let them get away
with that!
STAN
leaps out from behind the tree and grapples with KURTORTZ and KROZZ.
KURTORTZ
What's
this? An Earthman!
STAN
Quick,
Betty! Run for help!
BETTY
tries to run offstage, but KURTORTZ breaks away from STAN and grabs her.
He puts a ray gun to her head. She
screams in terror.
KURTORTZ
Hold
it, Earthman! Put up your hands or
the Earthwoman dies!
STAN
Betty!
STAN
puts up his hands and surrenders.
KROZZ
What
shall we do with them, Captain?
KURTORTZ
We
can't leave them here. Come!
We must take them back to Yorong! Emperor
Korax will decide their fate!
STAN
Holy
cats!
Exit
STAN, BETTY, KURTORTZ and KROZZ. The
trees are removed.
SCENE
TWO: KORAX'S THRONE ROOM
The
curtain opens on one of the two main sets used in the play:
the throne room of KORAX, Emperor of Yorong.
Upstage center is the Imperial Throne.
To the immediate right and left are two large picture windows.
A distant mountain can be seen through the stage left window.
There are also two secret entrances (e.g., sliding panels) leading to two
separate secret passageways. These
will be very important later on.
As
the curtain opens, seated on his throne is KORAX - the cruelest tyrant in the
entire universe. Standing to his
right is KLONG, the Captain of the Palace Guard.
An exotic dancer is performing for KORAX, who eyes her lustfully.
She dances to Wagner’s Prelude To Act III of LOHENGRIN.
The dance comes to an end.
KORAX
That
was an excellent performance my dear. You
have pleased your emperor. Come to
my private chambers this evening, and I shall show you my gratitude.
DANCER
No!
I mean, . . . It is I who should be grateful to you.
KORAX
Very
well. Come to my private chambers
this evening, and you may show me your gratitude.
DANCER
As
you wish, your Imperial Radiance.
The
DANCER bows low and exits.
KORAX
Klong!
Send in my jester!
KLONG
Yes,
your Imperial Radiance!
KLONG
exits, and returns a moment later with the Imperial JESTER, another beautiful
woman.
KORAX
Begin!
Entertain me!
JESTER
Here?
In front of Klong???
KORAX
I
mean, tell me a joke. After all,
you are the Imperial Jester.
JESTER
Oh.
Right. I was telling my
friend yesterday
about
my pet janthub. I told him, “I
have a janthub without a nose!” And
he said, “A
janthub without a nose! How does he
smell?”
And
I said, “Horrible!”
KORAX
That
was an excellent joke my dear. You
have pleased your emperor. Come to
my private chambers this evening, late this evening, and I shall show you my
gratitude.
JESTER
That’s
all right. I know it wasn’t that
good
a joke.
KORAX
It
was good enough for me! Come to my
chambers!
JESTER
As
you wish, your Imperial Radiance.
The
JESTER bows low and exits.
KORAX
Klong!
KLONG
Yes,
your Imperial Radiance?
KORAX
Has
the reconnaissance mission returned from the Earth?
KLONG
Not
yet, your Imperial Radiance.
KORAX
They
are late!
KLONG
Yes,
your Imperial Radiance.
KORAX
Why
are they late?
KLONG
Why?
I don't know why, your Imperial Radiance.
KORAX
Why
don't you know why? I will tell you
why. It is because you are
incompetent, my dear Klong.
KLONG
Yes,
your Imperial Radiance.
KORAX
I
am surrounded by incompetence. Am I
not Korax, supreme ruler of this planet Yorong and all other worlds in this
galaxy? Is not my power absolute?
Is not my imperial word law?
KLONG
Yes,
your most Spectacular and Divinely Supreme Imperial Radiance! I
am certain the solarship will arrive soon!
A
new thought strikes KORAX.
KORAX
How
many rebels are scheduled to be executed today?
KLONG
Twelve
are scheduled.
KORAX
Only
twelve???
KLONG
Only
twelve could be found, your Imperial Radiance.
The people have been so docile lately.
KORAX
I
must raise the taxes again.
There
is a loud pounding on the door offstage!
KORAX
Docile,
you say? Who dares disturb the
Emperor's peace?
KLONG
runs offstage, then quickly returns.
KLONG
It
is your sister, Kora, the High Priestess of the Bloodwomen of Krantz!
Would you like to see her?
KORAX
I
would like to see her thrown to the Gorag Monster! But send her in. This
time I shall put an end to her foolish demands for once and for all!
KLONG
Yes,
your Imperial –
But
before he can finish speaking, KORA strides in.
KORA
How
long will you keep me waiting, brother?
KORAX
Silence,
woman! How dare you show disrespect
to your Imperial Ruler?
KLONG
exits discreetly.
KORA
I
worship a greater ruler than you, Korax! One
whose power is beyond that of any mortal – Kaila, the Goddess of Death!
KORAX
I
have told you, I want the Earth-people for my slaves!
KORA
And
I have told you! Kaila wants them
sacrificed! She must have their
blood!
KORAX
Sister,
you are a fool. Ever since our
scientists discovered the planet Earth, I have dreamed of its conquest.
I have longed for the day when every Earthman would slave and sweat for
me. Now that that time is nearly at
hand, do you dare to imagine I will turn all my potential slaves into useless
rotting corpses, just so that you may drain their blood?
Never! They shall work for
my empire!
KORA
Their
work will do you little good without Kaila's blessing.
Thing of the pleasure we can give her by bathing an entire planet in
blood! It is a goddess's dream!
KORAX
No!
My slaves shall not die for the sake of some powerless deity!
KORA
Powerless!
This is sacrilege!
KORAX
They
shall work for me! They shall toil
for Korax!
Enter
KLONG.
KLONG
We
have established contact with the returning solarship, your Imperial Radiance.
KORAX
Good.
Bring in the radiosoniscope at once.
KLONG
Yes,
your Imperial Radiance!
KLONG
exits.
KORAX
Soon
my invasion will begin!
KORA
It
will never succeed unless you pay homage to Kaila!
KLONG
enters with the radiosoniscope.
KLONG
Here
is the radiosoniscope, your Imperial Radiance.
KORAX
Turn
it on!
KLONG
turns a knob on the radiosoniscope, and after a moment of static, we hear the
voice of CAPTAIN KURTORTZ.
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
This
is Captain Kurtortz calling Emperor Korax.
This is Captain Kurtortz calling Emperor Korax.
Come in please.
KORAX
This
is your Emperor. Make your report.
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
We
have taken two captives, your Imperial Radiance. An Earthman named Stan Starburst and his companion, Betty
Collins.
KORAX
Captives!
I did not ask for captives!
KORAX
(over
the radiosoniscope)
It
could not be helped, your Imperial Radiance.
They saw us land. We could
not leave them to warn the Earth.
KORAX
Well,
Kora, it seems you may get some sacrifices after all.
STAN's
voice comes over the radiosoniscope.
STAN
(over
the radiosoniscope)
What
are you going to do with us?
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
I'm
sorry, your Imperial Radiance. That
was the Earthman. What shall we do
with them?
KORAX
Bring
them to me! We shall sacrifice them
to Kaila, the Goddess of Death!
BETTY's
scream comes over the radiosoniscope, followed by STAN's voice.
STAN
(over
the radiosoniscope)
Don't
worry, Betty. I'll protect you.
The
sounds of a fistfight come over the radiosoniscope.
KORAX
What
is happening? What is happening?
Through
the window, we can see the solarship soaring into view.
It should be a toy rocketship, suspended by a thread, wobbling and
jerking towards the mountain. Kora sees it!
KORA
Look!
It's the solarship!
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
The
Earthman's gained control of the ship! He
doesn't know what he's doing! We're
headed right for that mountain! We're
going to crash!
STAN
(over
the radiosoniscope)
Holy
cats!
BETTY's
scream comes over the radiosoniscope, and there's an explosion on the mountain
as the rocket disappears behind it.
Fast
blackout and curtain, followed by more of Wagner’s Prelude To Act III of
LOHENGRIN.
A
new slide is projected which reads: "CHAPTER
2. ATTACK OF THE
ALLIGATOR-MEN!"
The
slide dims out and the curtain opens. Everything
is exactly as it was a moment ago. The end of the last scene is played through exactly as it was
the first time.
KORAX
What
is happening? What is happening?
Once
more the solarship wobbles and jerks across the sky. KORA sees it.
KORA
Look!
It's the solarship!
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
The
Earthman's gained control of the ship! He
doesn't know what he's doing! We're
headed right for that mountain! We're
going to crash!
STAN
(over
the radiosoniscope)
Holy
cats!
BETTY's
scream comes over the radiosoniscope, and there's an explosion on the mountain
as the rocket disappears behind it.
KORAX
The
fool!
KLONG
Shall
I send a scouting party to look for survivors, your imperial radiance?
KORAX
Don't
be an imbecile, Klong! No one could
possibly have survived that explosion! They
are all dead!
Suddenly
KURTORTZ's voice comes over the radiosoniscope.
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
This
is Captain Kurtortz calling Emperor Korax.
This is Captain Kurtortz calling Emperor Korax.
Come in please.
KORAX
What?
What is this? What is happening, Kurtortz?
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
I
managed to escape with one of my crewmen in an emergo-sled, your Imperial
Radiance. We got out just before
the crash.
KORAX
And
the others?
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
The
rest of the crew perished. The only
other survivors were the Earthman and the Earthwoman who got to an emergo-sled
just before we did.
KORAX
What????
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
I
can see them flying just below us. They're
going to make a crash landing!
KORAX
Find
them! Find them and kill them!
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
But
your Imperial Radiance. . . they're landing in the Great Garovian Swamp, the
realm of the Alligator-Men!
KORAX
Find
them, I say! Find them and kill
them at once!
KURTORTZ
(over
the radiosoniscope)
Yes,
your Imperial Radiance. Over and
out.
KLONG
exits with the radiosoniscope.
KORA
But
what of Kaila? You said they would
be sacrificed to Kaila! You
promised!
KORAX
Silence!
It is my wish that they be killed now, and my wishes must be obeyed!
KORA
You
will regret this, brother!
KORA
exits.
KORAX
I
regret nothing! Ever!
I will soon be the
absolute ruler of the entire
universe!!!!
Blackout
and curtain!
SCENE
THREE: THE GREAT GAROVIAN SWAMP
Some
trees, vines and shrubs are brought on to suggest a swamp.
As the lights come up, there's the sound of an emergo-sled crashing
offstage. A moment later, STAN and
BETTY enter. Their clothes are
torn.
STAN
Are
you all right, Betty?
BETTY
I
think so.
STAN
I'm
afraid I haven't had much experience landing rocketships.
BETTY
Where
are we?
STAN
I'm
not exactly sure, but I think we're on another planet!
BETTY
Oh,
Stan, I'm frightened.
STAN
Steady,
Betty. I'll get us out of this
somehow.
BETTY
Stan!
Someone's coming!
STAN
Quick!
Let's hide!
STAN
and BETTY hide behind the trees as KROZZ and KURTORTZ enter.
KROZZ
I
don't see any sign of them, Captain.
KURTORTZ